The Spectator’s Notes | 8 May 2010

At the time of writing, no one knows the result of this election. Whatever it happens to be, one must salute David Cameron for his courage in being the first party leader in modern times to fly to Northern Ireland during the campaign to try to unite the politics of the whole of the United Kingdom with those of the province. In this, he defies the might of establishment opinion, and strikes a blow for party democracy. His virtue deserves to be rewarded, should any coalition deals need to be done.

Unlike many commentators, I have found this election campaign highly enjoyable, but, as it ends, I do rejoice at the thought of hearing rather less of the following:

1. (a favourite of Nick Clegg, this one) ‘Don’t let anyone tell you that…’ This is usually followed by something that no one was ever very likely to tell you eg ‘the British people aren’t equal to the challenge’.

2. ‘Hard-working families.’ Are we? And if we are, is that a good thing for family life?

3. ‘The British people deserve better.’ Do we?

4. (always shouted self-righteously) ‘Yes or no?’

5. ‘We must protect the front line.’ Why won’t anyone stand up for ‘pen-pushers’, ‘bean-counters’ and ‘faceless bureaucrats’? After all, they make up the majority of the electorate.

6. ‘They’re all the same.’ Perhaps, but not half as much as are the people who love saying this.

7. The suggestion that carers are ‘unsung heroes and heroines’ who, because they do not do what they do for money, should be paid.

8. Anything ending in ‘-gate’.

It is rumoured that the Liberal Democrats are planning a symbolic parliamentary coup if they get more votes but fewer seats than Labour. They will hurry into the Chamber of the House of Commons and occupy the opposition front bench.