Mark Mason

The tao of washing up

There’s nothing like the joy of immersing your hands in hot soapy water

Christmas isn’t about giving. Or receiving. It’s about washing up. And for some of us that’s its greatest joy.

You think men hide from housework? Not when it comes to the soapy science, we don’t. Virtually all my male friends share a love of the bubbles. For us, ‘festive season’ equals ‘even more plates and cups to wash than usual’, and so we’re happy as pigs in Fairy Liquid. Why do we feel the lure of the sink, when other household tasks send us scurrying? Simplicity is part of it: ironing is fiddly, vacuuming and dusting unproductive, in that they leave you with literally nothing to show for your efforts. I know that’s the point, but it’s still an annoying one. Washing up, on the other hand, rewards you with a massive pile of clean dishes, an Everest of achievement.

But the real reason, the one that echoes in our soul, is that washing up is therapeutic. Chris Evans used the T-word when he confessed on-air to his love of the task. Italy’s men cited it in a survey that revealed them as Europe’s keenest sud-monkeys. There is something supremely relaxing about immersing your hands in hot water, the soothing routine of wash, stack, wash, stack. It’s a Zen-like state where troubles disappear and inspiration thrives. Sherlock Holmes graded problems by the number of pipes he needed to smoke while solving them. My equivalent is the number of refilled sinks.

Like all truly noble endeavours, washing up has time-honoured rituals. ‘Washing as you cook’ is a particular pleasure, allowing regular hits of the drug amidst your peeling and boiling. Real aficionados even extend this to ‘washing as you eat’. Grayson Perry’s wife says he does ‘that wonderful, restful thing of washing up all the dishes between the main course and dessert’.

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