When two inebriated RAF engineers broke a Paddington statue in half in Newbury earlier this month, they could not have predicted the scale of the reaction. But in the UK of 2025, a crime against Paddington is not simply an act of drunken vandalism, but an egregious offence against whichever collection of buzzwords is today being defined as ‘British values’.
As the sentencing magistrate declared on Tuesday, Paddington ‘represents kindness, tolerance, and promotes integration and acceptance in our society’. The actions of the airmen ‘were the antithesis of everything Paddington stands for.’ The pair have been ordered to carry out unpaid work and pay £2,725 each to cover the cost of repairs – enough to buy a fair few marmalade sandwiches.
Readers might well feel that this punishment was too good for the misbehaving duo. But Mr Steerpike must admit that he is something of a Paddington-sceptic, especially when he found out how exactly the young ursus made his way to the Berkshire town of Michael
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