Have you booked your tickets for the World Test Championship yet? Did you even know it’s on? What seemed like a pretty good idea has become mired in the mind-numbing complexity of the scoring. Currently England, who you might think of as quite a good Test-playing nation, are languishing in sixth place, not least because the Bazball bludgers have lost three of their last five matches. England lie just above Bangladesh, who have won only one of their last five. Ben Stokes seemingly hates the competition because his team are penalised for slow over rates, though he would change his tune if England had a chance of winning it.
What seemed like a pretty good idea has become mired in the mind-numbing complexity of the scoring
As it is, the championship has thrown up what could be a terrific final. South Africa, who have played a lot of Test cricket despite appearances to the contrary and have won their last five games, are top and Australia close behind. Quite an achievement for the Rainbow Nation, already rugby world champions of course. I fear for the game itself, though, which kicks off on 11 June at Lord’s. An agree-able summer’s day at HQ, where sadly the fragile SA batting might get blown away by the bloody Aussie quicks. Let’s hope not.
Meanwhile there has been some considerable media flurry arguing that cricket should be exercising its soft power to try to bring about change in Afghanistan. Well, I wouldn’t hold out much hope: that benighted country has remained stubbornly resistant to change throughout the many heavy-metal intrusions by the West. It’s hard to see there being much change just because the Taliban won’t get a chance to see Jacob Bethell in action against the Afghan bowlers in their Champions Trophy game in Lahore on 26 February.
Besides, the Afghan cricket team must be a force for good and represents the real Afghanistan. It would be different if they drove around in trucks with machine guns mounted on the back and advocated the medieval treatment of women. But we know Rashid Khan better than that. If we don’t like discrimination against women or homosexuality, then we shouldn’t play football – or any sport – against half of Africa, and what good does that do? And if we want to cut all sporting links with everyone who offends our human rights sensibilities, where does that leave China? Anyway, it’s hard to imagine that the brutalised women of Afghanistan want to see their men’s team isolated.
As for football and the FA’s decision to drop replays, anything you or I or the faithful of Tamworth (who missed out on a possible £1 million payday with a replay at the Tottenham Hotspur stadium) might say will make no difference: all the power lies with the big guns. The FA Cup has been royally screwed ever since the Premier League became an overbearing monster thanks to vast amounts of TV money and sportswashing owners, mostly wealthy nation states. Pity: personally I always liked it when a bigshot club got stuffed in the fourth replay by a goal that was clearly half a mile offside. That was old-style sport: you never knew what could happen.
At least the escort agencies of Milan should be pretty certain of the good times now that Manchester City’s magnificent defender Kyle Walker has handed in his door pass and told manager Pep Guardiola he wants off. Walker’s chaotic private life couldn’t be that conducive to a settled sporting career, but we shouldn’t forget quite how good he used to be.
On the plus side, seeing the referee step up to the mic and announce that VAR decision live to the stadium in the Carabao Cup semis last week entirely changed my vision of VAR, switching it at a stroke from a drama-sapping, pedantic dead-end for football to a glorious, excitement-filled, rollercoaster entertainment spectacle in its own right.
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