‘We’re all mad here,’ I mumble as I head towards the Cheshire Cat. To my left is the home of the world’s most famous mouse – and a sign warning guests to expect a wait of up to an hour and a half if they want to meet him. This is my tenth trip down a Disney theme park rabbit hole – my third as an adult and my second to Disneyland Paris – so the queues in the ‘most magical place on Earth’ comes as no surprise. But this time there’s a difference: I have my very own fairy godfather.
Alex, our VIP tour guide, dressed in a three-piece suit with a checkerboard waistcoat, whisks us past the queue to a side door of Mickey Mouse’s home and rings a bell. Before you can say Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo, photos have been posed for, autograph books signed, kisses blown, and we’re back outside with an hour and 20 minutes – and our sanities – saved.
One VIP tour guide can take up to ten people so if you can extend your guest list you can split the tidy sum of €3,300
For the next six hours, Alex escorts us across Disneyland and Walt Disney Studios, the two parks that span 4,800 acres of Disneyland Paris. No request is too big or too small: when my eldest niece B insists on going on all thrill rides (multiple times) and the youngest, V, reels off a long list of beloved characters she would like to meet, Alex doesn’t even blink.
We head to the Princess Pavilion in the shadow of Sleeping Beauty’s castle, where all the Disney princesses hang out. The wait time is usually around two hours to meet one character – and (the crucial bit) you have no idea who awaits you at the front of the line. That means you can excitedly queue to meet Cinderella – and end up shaking hands with Merida, the Scottish princess from Brave, who (let’s face it) no one really cares about. But not if you have an Alex. In just ten minutes, we’re face-to-face with two of our favourites, The Little Mermaid’s Ariel and Belle from Beauty and the Beast. B talks books with her namesake, but V wants to know where the Beast is…
After unsuccessfully trying to pull the sword from the stone, spinning around on the Mad Hatter’s teacups, making elephants fly with Dumbo, and taking a trip to Neverland with Peter Pan (the normal queue time is nearly two hours vs an Alex wait time of ten minutes), we head to B’s favourite ride, Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, the runaway mine train ride. We walk straight on, twice. Total time saved: an hour and five minutes.
A quick lunch break for Mickey Mouse-shaped pizza, with a side order of hugs from Goofy, and we’re off to our first show of the day, The Lion King, a 30-minute condensed version of the West End hit. Visitors have been queuing for around 45 minutes to grab a seat, but Alex has called ahead to reserve the best in the house. We follow this up with Mickey and the Magician, a stage show of classic songs performed by Disney favourites.
The smaller of the two parks, Walt Disney Studios, is home to some of the newer franchises – Pixar, Marvel and Frozen. Elsa of Frozen fame is, of course, a Queen – and so wouldn’t be caught dead hanging out at the Princess Pavilion. With this in mind, Disney execs are building her her own land of Arundel to rule over. For now, she’s having to make do with her own hugely popular show, which sees crowds start to gather up to 45 minutes beforehand.
Marvel’s Avengers have assembled at the Avengers campus. Thor, God of Thunder and Loki, the god of mischief, casually walk past. Members of the Guardians of the Galaxy challenge us to a 1980s dance-off as Captain America salutes the crowds. We help Spider-Man save the campus from self-replicating nanobots with lots of wrist flicking mimicking Spidey’s web throwing, but with Alex we don’t wait the advertised 55 minutes to do it. Flight Force, an indoor rollercoaster, launches us from zero to 60mph in just three seconds. B easily meets the height criteria, but Alex wisely insists I try it first and walks me to the front of the queue. Saved: 45 minutes’ queue time, ten minutes of tears and several months of trauma for a nine-year-old – but a couple of hours at the chiropractor for me.
Off to Pixar to ride a spinning turtle shell through the east Australian current on Crush’s coaster, a howdy from Jess from Toy Story and then we are shrunken down to the size of a rat for Ratatouille’s great escape – from angry chefs with huge kitchen knives. Time saved: an hour and 50 minutes.
Alex has managed to bag us a reservation at Chez Remy, a Ratatouille-themed restaurant. If you fancy sitting on a bottle-cap chair eating steak and chips at a jam jar-lid table that’s covered with a large paper umbrella – the kind you would normally find in a fruity cocktail – you can, but a warning: Disneyland Paris’s most popular dining spot needs to be booked months in advance.
Time is an expensive commodity at Disneyland Paris – and it’s for sale. Book to stay at one of the four Disney hotels and you’ll have the perk of magic hour, 60 minutes to explore the parks until the masses are let in. If rides are your priority, fast passes will allow you to skip the queues on some of the most popular ones, but this will cost you €170 on top of the entrance price. You can also pay-as-you-go for individual rides: the amount fluctuates between €7 and €18 depending on a ride’s popularity that day, but purchasing just a couple of these tickets can save you hours. If you’re looking to meet more characters during your trip, a good option is character dining, where for a hefty fee (and not the greatest culinary experience) you can meet around five Disney favourites over breakfast, lunch or dinner.
But if you want to feel like you are on holiday in the busiest (sorry, happiest) place on Earth, you’ll need your very own Alex. One VIP tour guide can take up to ten people so if you can extend your guest list you can split the tidy sum of €3,300.
It’s now 4.30 p.m. and in just six hours we have been on 11 rides, watched three shows and met many of Disney’s beloved characters. Without Alex that would have taken us at least two full days to accomplish even with days of militant advance planning.
As we watch the parade from a special roped-off viewing spot, B squeezes my arm and tells me she’s having the best day ever – and so am I. After all these years, Disney is still as magical as ever – but the magic has a price tag.
Comments