Courtesy of the Daily Mash:
SMOKERS BANNED FROM LOOKING AT CIGARETTES WHILE SMOKING
SMOKERS will have to hold a large piece of card over their face so they cannot look at the cigarette they are smoking, ministers said last night.
The 'smoking mask' will include a small mouth hole and a handle though later models may be fitted with elasticated straps...
The mask will also carry a warning which reads: "Lighting a Cigarette While Wearing This Mask May Cause You to Set Fire to the Mask Instead of the Cigarette and Burn Your Face Off."
Health secretary, Alan Johnson, said: "If you can't see nicotine, it can't see you. And, as any scientist will tell you, if something can't see you, it has no way of knowing you exist."