Utter zoo

In Competition 2371 you were asked to provide rhyming couplets describing imaginary animals, involving eight consecutive letters of the alphabet.

‘The progress of the Unipod,/ As you’d surmise, is rather odd.’ This perhaps unillustratable couplet by Jeremy Lawrence is one of many splendid offerings among the runners-up. Hugh King made me smile with ‘The Umpzov, from remote Siberia,/ Is quite like Eeyore, only drearier.’ And W.J. Webster, Adrian Fry and Bill Greenwell were all in sparkling form. There was a ginormous entry, judging was pleasure mixed with agony, and I confess that sheer caprice played a part in my final decisions. The prizewinners, printed below, get £25 each, and Jill Green’s purely avian octet gains the Cobra Premium beer. Happy Christmas!

The Aardlark changed its name to be
The first bird in the dictionary.
The Bladderbill has bandy legs,
But then it lays enormous eggs.
The Chug is something of a clown,
You’ll see it flying upside down.
The Danderelle is so depressed,
It very seldom leaves its nest.
The Erik sits about and sings;
It doesn’t care, it has no wings.
The Flump’s on the endangered list,
But it’s so dull it won’t be missed.
The Gubbet’s life is rather grim,
It is a duck but cannot swim.
The Harpic is too bad for words,
It preys on all these other birds.
Jill Green

Most popular

Arthur Roffey

Douglas Murray has been blacklisted in Berlin

With knife for nose, the Jagster may
Slit envelopes this easy way.
The Klyntz has strawberries for toes:
If swallowed, each at once regrows.
The Lardrop’s seaweed-sprouting hair
Makes fish in admiration stare.
Upon the Mendrum’s shelf-like waist
Books may conveniently be placed.
A lamp projecting from its head,
Assists the Norje to read in bed.
Curved, heat-resistant like a cup,
The Ogby’s paws save washing-up.
The Phurph, a clanking metal sheep,
Counts humans when it cannot sleep.
The Quarrasong, if given chocs,
Rejects them, but consumes the box.
Godfrey Bullard