Voter repellent

In Competition No. 2859 you were invited to submit an offputting party political broadcast by the Tories, Labour, the Lib Dems, the Greens or Ukip.

Basil Ransome-Davies wasn’t alone in revealing the ruthlessness that lurks beneath the tree-hugging veneer of the Greens. He gets an honourable mention, as does Adrian Fry, who recruited Jimmy Savile as Tory spokesman: can’t get more repellent than that. The ones that shone brightest in what was a surprisingly small entry appear below and are rewarded with £25 each. Frank Upton takes the bonus fiver.

Sustainability— the word on all our lips. A Green government will put YOU at the heart of sustainability! We will: grant endangered species the vote; introduce government by video-conference, allowing Westminster to be returned to its natural riparian wetland habitat; enrol willing teens in the Young Environmentalists, with privileged access to higher education and grant funding; provide every person each month with an unbleached linen bag of ‘greenbacks’, recycled plastic banknotes that can be spent on approved sustainable products; reserve the inside lane on motorways for bicycles; repurpose Heathrow as a wind farm with low-impact peasant agriculture; build 200,000 new affordable homes, without using any land or putting them next to anything; appoint a Climate Pontiff, whose pronouncements made ex cathedra on a point of climate science will be infallible; and make all political promises fully biodegradable.
GREEN: the last party you’ll ever vote for!
Frank Upton
 
We are Liberal and we are honest and we want to tell you where your money will go. We are sure you want to make sacrifices for the benefit of others. We already give millions to other countries; we would multiply that figure by ten, for much more can be done and needs to be done. How often have you observed we have too much money? Many come here and meet a frosty reception for their alleged illegal entry but we welcome the needy, even the scoundrel, for who knows when we too will be in need? So instead of insulting the millions who simply want to enjoy our fields and forests, our towns and villages, we will impose taxes to support them as long as we have enough room.