Welcome home… to a world of beheadings and Bake Off

Apologies for the lengthy interregnum. I was away in the USA for almost three weeks and my mobile phone provider decided I should not be allowed to make or receive any calls while abroad, for which many thanks. Similarly, Hotmail decided I should not be allowed access to my own email account because I could not prove to them that I was myself, having failed to answer the question ‘Who is your favourite fictional character?’

I can’t remember who I chose when first asked. I guessed at ‘Baroness Ashton’ this time around and this was, apparently, the wrong answer. So, anyway, devoid of all the modern appurtenances of life – as was my missus, who suffered the same fate – I instead had a hugely enjoyable and relaxing time.

Occasionally gobbets of news drifted through from the UK papers, almost always about Muslims Behaving Badly – decapitating people, raping their way through South Yorkshire etc – and while walking up a mountain in Colorado I wondered to myself if we were at last beginning to – y’know – lose a little patience. But not so you’d notice, it would seem.

Anyway, I’m back now, just in time for The Great British Bake-Off (have you ever met anyone who watched this egregious, inane, self-important drivel?) and ready once again to bark like a demented Weimaraner at stuff.