What has Mr Benn got to do with horse insurance?

‘Time to begin your adventure with Mr Benn!’ said the letter that came through my door, in a big loopy red font, beneath a picture of a smiling, waving, bowler-hatted Mr Benn.

And this would have been fine had I been a five-year-old whose mother had sent off for a box-set of classic Mr Benn, or tickets to Mr Benn World of Adventures.

As it was, I stared at the letter trying to work out how this could be my new horse insurance policy. Quite aside from it mistakenly addressing me as if I was a toddler, what had the 1970s children’s TV character to do with horses?

I couldn’t work it out. But there was Mr Benn on the top right-hand corner of my policy documents. And the letter began ‘Hello Ms Melissa Kite and Darcy.’ Yeah, Darcy can’t read. So probably best to just talk to me — you know, the human being who’s paying the bill?

I have been with this company for the best part of 20 years. When I first started using them, they were called Equine and Livestock. In recent years, I noticed they were Entertainment and Leisure.

On closer inspection of the latest ‘documents’, I find I am now dealing with the Insurance Emporium, whose mascot is Mr Benn — for reasons I find baffling to the point of thinking maybe I should cancel right now because these people are coming over as completely barmy.

As it was, I opened the documents and read them through, finding a crucial error. Having spent a good half an hour on the phone sorting the policy out, the main thrust of it should have been accurate. But they had ballsed up the sum I had tried to insure the thoroughbred for, getting it confused with what I paid for her.