What I really, really want

Dear Father Christmas, please fill my stocking with the following goodies:
 
A referendum on Britain’s future in Europe… Or, a Linguaphone course to brush up my German.

A new shadow chancellor. The old one doesn’t really work any more.

A straitjacket to stop George Alagiah waving his arms around so much when he is presenting the BBC News.

During the Jubilee celebrations, a minute’s standing ovation, nationwide, for the Duke of Edinburgh.

A protest march through Islington by striking taxpayers.

An announcement from David Cameron that he is scrapping the Ministerial and Other Pensions and Salaries Act 1991, which granted pay-offs to Cabinet ministers. (The Act was also responsible for setting the Commons Speaker’s indecently generous pension. Double bingo!)

A gift-wrapped P45 for Dame Suzy Leather, lefty head of the Charity Commission; Grade II listed status for Jeremy Paxman; Prozac for Sir Mervyn King.

An end to ‘impact assessments’ by Whitehall. They cost the country a fortune and merely create opportunities for lawyers and special interest lobbies.

A mayoral edict from Boris banning those horrid new London taxis made by Mercedes.

A reprieve for computer hacker Gary McKinnon, if only to yank the American ambassador’s chain.

Freedom for the Edinburgh pandas.

A bishopric for Canon Giles Fraser; elocution lessons for the Archbishop of York.

A new deputy chairman of the BBC Trust who, unlike the incumbent Diane Coyle, realises that the position is incompatible with working for a political party (she advises Labour’s business spokesman, Chuka Umunna).

Fewer select committee meetings at Westminster. The system has gone bonkers.  Earlier bedtimes for one and all in the political world.

An interview with the president of Iran, Mr Dinnerjacket. It would be good to know something about the little chap before we are dragged further towards war.

More of an effort from the BBC’s world-weary affairs editor, John Simpson.