About seven years ago, I bought two pairs of pyjamas, one British, the other Chinese. At the time, they seemed of roughly similar quality, the important difference being that the Chinese ones were half the price of the British. Given that they have the same ‘lived experience’, I can make a direct comparison. The British ones, by Peter Christian (‘gentlemen’s outfitters’ accompanied by an image of two hares boxing), show few signs of the passing years. Their reddish colour with green and yellow stripes holds fast. There is very little wear and no tear at all. The Chinese pair (labelled ‘sleepwear’) tells a different story – the drawstring disappeared, the elasticated waist (which the British one wisely eschews) decayed, the blue checks faded, the cotton thinned. Every Chinese button repeats the word ‘global’ on it, twice. I see this as a metaphor for how China conquers the world. I wonder how many people currently buying BYD Chinese electric cars (the initials delusively stand for ‘Build Your Dreams’) will regret their purchase. I wonder how much longer it will take before everyone realises that when China calls itself ‘global’ it remains thoroughly Chinese, its global vision wholly controlled by the Chinese Communist party (CCP).
This week’s statement by the security minister, Dan Jarvis, had a welcome changed tone. It was fierce about Chinese espionage threats, chiefly to parliament. Although the formula about cooperating as well as challenging remains, the emphasis has moved to the latter. Nevertheless, it is unclear how much is actually being done. As the traditional phrase puts it, the diplomats involved are engaged in ‘activities incompatible with their status’. Should they not be expelled? Mr Jarvis wants to ‘degrade the eco-system of proxy cover companies’ doing the work of the CCP. But what about the large British companies and powerful individuals who take Chinese money and do Chinese bidding? Britain’s biggest bank is HSBC, which has consistently given in to CCP demands. Now it is reported that George Osborne, hero of the ‘Golden Era’ of Anglo-Chinese relations, is on the short list to be HSBC’s chairman. Not much ‘challenge’ there, surely.
It is a useful political trick to get someone apparently from the other side to come out for a position one holds oneself. The Daily Mail is a master of this genre, loving articles with headlines like, ‘Why I, a gay man, hate Pride’. On immigration issues, the device has been deployed when politicians of immigrant backgrounds such as Suella Braverman or Priti Patel get tough on migrants, with striking results but not, in terms of policy, real success. Now it is the turn of the Labour party and Shabana Mahmood. She may do better than her Tory equivalents because of the greater shock value of someone from the left speaking as she does. ‘If she is saying it,’ voters may think, ‘it must be true’ or must, at least, grant them permission to express similar views. There is a danger, however, that the purpose is chiefly presentational. When John Prescott was made Tony Blair’s deputy prime minister, his role gave comfort to the old Labour left, but its objective effect was to strengthen Blair’s grip by neutralising opponents. Judging by Ms Mahmood’s conduct in office so far, she is exceptionally determined, but past experience suggests that the ECHR role in smothering our national rights over immigration will leave the Home Secretary gasping ‘I can’t breathe’. Her heavy emphasis on illegal migration will deflect attention from the numerically much greater problem of migration which is legal under existing rules.
We will probably never know if the Russians were responsible for last weekend’s tampering, using explosives, which temporarily stopped Poland’s Warsaw-Lublin railway, the main channel of military and logistical supplies for Ukraine. A train carrying 475 people had to make an emergency stop. There had been no rail attacks on such a scale in Poland since the end of the second world war. The accusation is important, if true, because the next bit of Russia’s war against Nato (which it claims to believe we in effect declared against it) will not need to take the form of violent invasion but will use hybrid means to prevent the usual order of a nation from functioning. Russians will not need to arrive with snow on their boots or in large numbers. Enough for them to convince the populations of their enemies that their governments can no longer protect their internal security – something which is happening the other way round with Ukrainian incursions against Russian infrastructure. To think about what these things mean, it helps to have what J.D. Vance supporters disparage as a ‘World War II brain’. After all, Putin himself has such a brain.
A few weeks back (Notes, 27 September) I mentioned the secret funeral of Oleg Gordievsky, our most successful double agent in the KGB. A poignant detail emerges. The service, in the Guards chapel, was conducted by Russian Orthodox clergy. The chapel had never known such a thing as incense, so all the fire alarms went off.
Obituaries of my friend Dave Ker have rightly concentrated on his extraordinary comic gifts, which included imitation so good that he could fool people on the telephone that he was the then Prince of Wales. The Telegraph obituary summed up his fame as resting on the fact that he was ‘very funny and very fat’. The question for the 21st century is whether either of those qualities can survive. The first is now so contained by guardrails that comedy has become like bullfighting without the estocada. The second, thanks to Wegovy etc, will soon be as obsolete as wooden legs or ear trumpets. It can be said of Dave, as it will not be possible to say of future generations, that he did a fat lot of good, and to mean it as a compliment.
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