Why didn’t Labour have a leadership contest when it mattered?

Did you know that David Miliband’s favourite snack is a Twirl? I learned this yesterday while trawling the various Labour leadership websites, desperate to find some reason — any reason — to care about any of it. In his photograph at the top, David’s odd grey patch of hair seems curiously prominent, in a manner that suggests there might be a seagull circling somewhere overhead. I stared at that for a while. The Twirl thing was number 10 on ‘10 Things You May Not Know About David’. I already knew the other nine. It’s quite sparse, David Miliband’s website. Not like Diane Abbott’s website. Hers is great.

It suffers, sure, from having Diane Abbott all over it, talking in that very special way of hers, like a petulant nine-year-old who has had a stroke, patiently explaining why she deserves another cupcake. The basic design of the thing, though, the way her big, almost spherical face dominates the screen, all looks pretty good. I wonder why she bothered. You know how much money the Electoral Commission says has thus far been donated to her campaign? £1,700. It makes me almost too depressed for words.

Not because it is so little. Because it so much. This is Diane Abbott we’re talking about, and you could get a MacBook for that. Somebody out there has thought to themselves, ‘I could get a MacBook, or I could mildly help Diane Abbott’s leadership campaign. Which would make me happier?’ And they have chosen the latter. In a world with such people in it, how can one ever smile again?

David Miliband has raised the most, with £185,265. This is a staggering sum (consider that a Twirl costs around 50p) and Diane isn’t happy about it. ‘There’s no doubt it’s made a difference,’ she told the Guardian, presumably petulantly.