Why I’m considering a life of crime

Some people may have noticed the happy new guidance released between Christmas and New Year by the National Police Chief’s Council. This guidance to police in England and Wales was that police officers ought to try to go to properties that have been burgled. Even better, they should try to do so within an hour of the burglary being reported.

This seems to me to be an eminently sensible piece of advice. After all, if you get to the scene of a robbery within an hour, you might be able to track down the stolen goods, log evidence while the crime scene is fresh, or even – imagine – find a burglar.

You might wonder why this guidance needed to be given in the first case. After all, there are more than 1,000 break-ins every day in this country. In England and Wales three-quarters of home break-ins lead to no suspect being identified. And Home Office figures suggest that the reality is even worse. According to this data, someone is charged in less than 4 per cent of cases. Which means the percentage who are actually convicted and go to prison for any time is considerably lower than 4 per cent.

When I first saw those figures, I must admit that I started wondering why I chose to make a living as a writer. If I had chosen instead to make burglary my profession then the odds would be overwhelmingly on my side. If I decided to break into someone’s house and make off with their best cutlery, I’d have a 96 per cent chance of not being caught. Which is easier than a normal day’s work. And I could do with some new cutlery. Doubtless a number of people more criminally inclined than me have come to a similar view of the odds.