Why it has to be Kemi

Have you considered a career in whoring? It can be very rewarding, apparently – especially financially. World’s oldest profession and all that, a job which offers the potential for travel but which can also be done without leaving one’s bed.

A chap who teaches children about sex, Justin Hancock, thinks the kids should not write off prostitution as a viable career option. Justin’s various modules and Q&As on a whole array of vices and foul perversions, most of which he seems to like, are published under the name ‘Bish’. On whoring, ‘Bish’ advises one young woman who had a, er, negative experience as a prostitute: ‘There are many, many people doing sex work who do enjoy what they do – even if they don’t necessarily enjoy the sex. It can be a really difficult job but many people find it rewarding – just like other jobs. This is especially true if sex workers mainly have good clients, which I don’t think you do. If you did want to continue, maybe you could get better clients?’ There y’go – just move upmarket, love. Perhaps charge £500 rather than only a tenner.

Mr Hancock’s website is aimed at ‘every-one over 14’, including parents, who are advised to make plasticine models to demonstrate to their children which parts of the body can be touched to indulge in ‘perfectly pleasurable activity’. We have come a long way from Baden-Powell, no? My response to this kind of stuff is the same as ever: a forlorn wish that one day the chill, piercing wind of Odin will strike down from the north and rid us of this filth.