Q. A friend of mine is performing a recital in Dublin and has sent round an email advertising the time and date and asking if people will come to hear him play. I’ve already seen him performing once and it was pretty dire the first time round. Now I feel pressure is being put on me to go and see him yet again. As I live in Ireland and he’s given me plenty of notice, I don’t know how I can get out of it but dread the prospect of sitting through another hour of misery. He’s a sweet man and I don’t want to hurt him.
— Name and address withheld
A. Group emails like this are intended more as information than three-line whips to attend. Personally I would just delete it and think no more of it, though if you were being polite, you could write back saying: ‘Loved it when I saw it and know it will be a huge success! Break a leg!’ It is quite common to advertise through group emails. Film-makers often tell their friends that a film they’ve made is on the box, and even Nicky Haslam lets his friends know about his one-man shows through group emails. But there is no obligation to attend.
Q. Like Toby Young (Status Anxiety, 19 September) I am a litter Nazi. I get particularly vexed when I see slobs toss away their drink cans or fast-food detritus even though they are just feet away from a bin. However, to my shame, I never dare intervene. How can I point out the error of their ways without risking being verbally or physically assaulted?
— J.P., Cardiff
A. It is possible to get the message across without risking assault.
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