Your problems solved | 13 June 2019

Q. A friend of 30 years moved abroad three years ago. He then was diagnosed with throat cancer but mercifully has now had the all-clear. During his treatment I wrote several supportive emails. In March my sister had a massive stroke and, since her daughters both live abroad, the bulk of support for her fell to me. Since I have had another sister living in a home since 2005, I am understandably feeling rather overwhelmed. I mentioned this to my friend on the back of his jubilant ‘all-clear’ email two months ago and have had no response. I do think it rather odd. Should I make my disappointment known?
— Name withheld, London

A. First, don’t assume disappointment is in order. Perhaps he didn’t read your email all the way through. Did you gush at the beginning of it? Or maybe he wrote a reply and left it in his drafts box by mistake. Find out by emailing ‘I never had a response from you about my own ghastly news so I do hope you’re still making a good recovery?’. It may well emerge that sadly he’s just being selfish and, now that he’s better, has become complacent and doesn’t ‘need’ you any more. Few of us have more than a handful of proper friends, i.e. those we could ring in the middle of the night when despairing. But you shouldn’t write off those whose value turns out to be merely social. Just refile them in second or third division. You can still enjoy their company.

Q. I have written two novels, which have been respectably published, and have accumulated a number of copies, both hardback and paperback, which I’d like to give away to neighbours and acquaintances.