Q. I sympathise with B.M.F. (20 August). At a recent Proms concert, a superb performance of ‘Gerontius’ was ruined by a middle-aged woman continually fanning herself with her programme. It was not a hot night, and she was the only person in the hall doing so. She was very rude when someone tried to approach her about it in the interval. What do you suggest, Mary?
J.McC., London W8
A. In these situations it is always easier to use a third person as a human buffer than to deal directly with a miscreant who may be defensive. You could have whispered to one of the people sitting next to the fanner ,‘Excuse me, could you possibly ask your friend to stop fanning? Everyone in the rows behind is finding it very distracting.’ The group may well be abusive, or they may be responsive to the uncomfortable thought of an angry mob behind them. Either way you will have had the satisfaction of demoting the fanner to the status of someone who needs carers to keep them in check.
Q. Some months ago we invited friends to a concert. We did not expect them to pay for the tickets and they (perfectly properly) did not offer to do so. They plainly enjoyed the evening and promised a ‘return match’. Recently they have asked us to join them at a theatrical entertainment, but when giving us details they also asked us to pay for the tickets on the evening! We have no wish to fall out over such a trifling matter — what should we do?
M.H., Mannings Heath, Sussex
A. Why not ring your friends back and say cheerily ‘Bad news, we can’t come after all. We’ve just looked into our entertainment budget for this season and we’ve completely exhausted it!’ Then stay silent while they burble.
Q. Your correspondent is embarrassed by his pyjama trousers gaping at breakfast in mixed company. Have you ever heard of the old fashioned nightshirt as worn by Ebenezer Scrooge in Dickens’s Christmas Carol? It can be bought in brushed cotton from Johnsons of Brighton or in silk from Patra, the ladies’ fashion merchant. Since I discovered how comfortable it is I never want another pair of pyjamas. The matching night cap is not obligatory.S.F., Sanderstead, Surrey
A. Provided the nightshirt is lengthy enough to exclude the risk of seated exposure, this may well be a good solution.
Q. My lady-wife and I have planned to spend our autumn years among the literary groups beside Aldeburgh’s pebbly beach but worry that your advice for the male literati to wear ladies’ pyjamas for breakfast there may tempt transvestites to the salty shore. Better that the early morning promenaders should be encouraged to don their peignoirs back to front après nages.O.J., Aldeburgh, Suffolk
A. Or indeed the pyjama bottoms themselves since a glimpse through the aperture of the back bottom would be much less shocking than a glimpse through the front. Thank you to the many other readers who have responded with such enthusiasm to the plight of the pyjama wearer who first shared his problem with us.
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