Your problems solved | 3 May 2018

Q. When buying a present for a friend, I would not dream of glugging from the bottle or helping myself to a chocolate. But when it comes to books, I am guilty of reading the first few pages from curiosity — then sailing on through to the end. I am scrupulous about not leaving dirty thumbprints, but as I tie a ribbon around the wrapping paper I am nagged by the feeling that I have done wrong. Have I?

— L.F., 3ème, Paris

A. Technically a present should not be ‘pre-used’ but it’s different in the world of letters. A book should never be an impersonal present but one which is chosen to chime with the personality and intellectual abilities of the recipient. Therefore it is almost essential that the giver should be au fait with the contents. As long as you handle the book with delicacy then the fact the giver has already ‘reviewed’ it confers many benefits. You need not spell out the fact that you have done so, but you can strengthen your bonds with the recipient by discussing it after they have read it too. This will elevate the status of the present from tokenistic to bespoke.

Q. A co-worker who sits by my desk has just discovered a brain tumour. The problem is this allows him to pity himself noisily towards us. He coughs and sneezes and groans in our faces all day long. This impolite behaviour obviously disturbs concentration, so the productivity falls as much as our life quality at work. Nonetheless, we are good friends. How can I ask for a respectful silence without underestimating his illness?

— Y.S., São Paulo, Brazil

A. This malade pas imaginaire is probably unaware he’s been overdoing the sickness signalling.