Mary Killen Mary Killen

Your Problems Solved | 30 August 2003

Etiquette advice from The Spectator's Miss Manners

Dear Mary…

Q. I regularly enjoy Sunday lunch at a premier hotel here in Bangkok. The food is exceptional and the Thai service staff friendly and professional. Staff recognise and greet me on arrival with a warm, formal ‘Good morning, Mr Smith’. A couple of Sundays ago, chatting with an attractive waitress by way of a little innocent flirtation, I suggested she call me ‘Michael’. Since then I am greeted with ‘Hello, Michael’ on arrival by all and sundry at the hotel. Clearly she thought this was my preferred form of address and advised her boss accordingly. Being Thai, they were not aware of the subtlety. Mary, how can I solve this problem without embarrassing her or appearing to the staff to be a snob?
M.S., Khlongsan, Bangkok

A. I fear that you have committed an unforgivable faux pas, in Asian terms, by suggesting to a junior and female employee that she should use an intimate form of address. You have lost face not only with her, but also with the entire staff of the hotel. To be frank, the situation is irredeemable, and my only advice can be that you find yourself another congenial hotel and this time avoid making such a grave social error.

Q. I am shortly going to spend a few days in the country house of a friend. I know it is common to bring a present to a house-party but, to be frank, my hostess, whom I love dearly, is common. Money is no object and she already has everything it can buy. She also has a husband and four young children. Can you suggest a novel present, Mary?
D.S., London W11

Already a subscriber? Log in

Keep reading with a free trial

Subscribe and get your first month of online and app access for free. After that it’s just £1 a week.

There’s no commitment, you can cancel any time.

Or

Unlock more articles

REGISTER

Comments

Don't miss out

Join the conversation with other Spectator readers. Subscribe to leave a comment.

Already a subscriber? Log in