Your problems solved | 4 July 2019

Q. Friends and I keep in touch and share our more memorable experiences on Facebook. One friend is an elderly woman who makes comments on our posts that are intended to demonstrate her wit and erudition but which never fail to come across as banal and irritating attempts at point scoring. She is delightful company in person and we have no wish to lose her friendship. How can we encourage her to stop her puerile comments without giving serious offence?
— R.P., London W1

A. Poignantly, your elderly friend may be using Facebook to signal that she still has her wits about her. But, of course, one of the first signs of dementia is that the inhibitory synapses go and long repressed grievances start to be freely expressed. Recruit an exact contemporary to plant a seed of doubt in her mind during real-life chatter. ‘I’ve started running my Facebook comments past my son,’ the fellow oldie can confide. ‘You know the danger at my age is that what I think to be terribly witty can strike the wrong note and be misinterpreted as a sign of the dreaded dementia…’ In this way you should see an end to the nuisance.

Q. Mary, I am hoping you might have some tips for this small problem. I frequently make up reasons why I can’t attend things but then inevitably forget what excuse I gave. I’m not the sort of person who writes things down so please don’t suggest that I do.
— Name and address withheld

A. Give the same excuse each time — that way you can’t forget what you would have said. Try saying: ‘Sadly I’ve got to work that day/night.’ If pressed for details, reply: ‘Don’t ask. It’s so boring.’ If everyone knows you don’t work, then say you’re going to be ‘on a retreat’.