Mary Killen Mary Killen

Your Problems Solved | 7 December 2002

Etiquette advice from The Spectator's Miss Manners

Dear Mary…

Q. I rarely shoot, since I have always been a hopeless shot. However, I recently went out for a day and was rather pleased to shoot a woodcock. At the end of the day, as the keeper was loading my car, I was surprised to see only pheasants in the boot. ‘What happened to my woodcock?’ I asked. He replied, ‘Oh, Lady X [my hostess] is rather partial to woodcock. She’s kept that back for herself.’ This seemed to me rather unjust, and I wondered if I had been ‘abused’, in today’s parlance. Was I wrong to have assumed that he who shoots it gets it, so to speak?
A.C., London W12

A. Yes, you were wrong. The correct etiquette on a shoot is that everything belongs to the host. However, despite the fact that most shoots are wildly uneconomical, the hosts are normally generous enough to give each guest at least a brace of whatever has been shot. Incidentally, pheasants are fairly thick on the ground, but with grouse or partridge, if you want an extra brace, you may have to ask the keeper if you can buy one off him.

Q. A dear old friend has recently been causing upset by her behaviour at parties. People have complained to me that her manner towards them varies between being friendly and effusive, if there is a shortage of grandees and celebrities in the room, and downright cutting them dead if there is an abundance. Indeed, I have personally observed her making a beeline for some bigwig and sailing straight past people she knows and loves as if they did not exist. As my dear old friend is now acquiring something of a reputation for this sort of thing, how can I tactfully suggest to her that, as Lord Falconer should have said, ordinary people matter just as much as VIPs?
B.

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