Society

Thursday

Toby Young Toby Young

Who will rid me of this turbulent beast?

I’m keeping my eyes peeled for one of those billboards saying ‘A dog is for life, not just for Christmas’ so I can gleefully point it out to Caroline. Regular readers of this column will know that my wife brought home a Vizsla puppy last December, her surprise ‘gift’ to the family, and that the cute little fellow has turned into a snarling, slobbering hound who has ruined my life. Mealtimes in our household now resemble a scene from Jaws, with Leo circling unseen beneath the table then bursting out to grab a leg of chicken or a baked potato, or, if he can’t get hold of any food, just

Mary Killen

Celebrity Dear Mary

From Rt Hon Gisela Stuart MP Q. I keep getting into arguments with people about what being a Labour MP is all about. I used to think that being in government was better than being in opposition. They now tell me I’m wrong and that the years since 2010 have been better and purer than the flawed years from 1997 to 2010. Help. Are they right and am I wrong? A. As a Roman Catholic German Brexiteer Labour MP for a Birmingham constituency, you should have grown used to being in a minority. If you would rather be in power than out of it, the obvious solution is to switch

The Spectator

Answers to GCHQ puzzles

1. Tea – the initial letters spell MERLOT. 2. 9th – taking the identified letters spells ‘Beethoven’. 3. Northern Ireland. It is, for example, ‘West of Scotland’. 4. Papa. ‘Mike lives in Quebec, and is very fond of Golf’ etc. 5. a) Charles Dickens, b) Arthur Conan Doyle, c) Evelyn Waugh. 6. Forty (winks!) 7. 2017. They all had prime number ages in a year which was a prime number. 8. THE LIST. The words are anagrams of ROSE, LEEK, SHAMROCK, and THISTLE, which are the symbols of the parts of the UK. THE LIST is an anagram of THISTLE. 9. Anagrams of members of the Rolling Stones: Charlie Watts,

Dot Wordsworth

Yeah

My husband has an irritating habit of holding his hymn book open at the right page but obviously not referring to the text as he belts out carols. He is perfectly happy growling, in what he thinks a light baritone, the Latin version of ‘O Come, All Ye Faithful’, even the fourth verse, beginning: ‘Ergo qui natus die hodierna.’ I’m not saying he’s wrong to apply his sticky brain cells to the Latin version, for that was the one first written down in 1750 by the scholar John Wade, a reviver of plainchant. If you ask me, Wade was the author of the words. His manuscripts, with his own illuminations,

Peter Jones

Kudos

What is a ‘kudo’? According to the Taxpayers’ Alliance, it is a mark of honour, many of which should be given to the Commons’ British Infrastructure Group, for demanding the scrapping of Air Passenger Duty. The Alliance clearly thinks that ‘kudo’ is the singular of our ‘kudos’. It is not. Kudos is singular already: it has been brought into English from ancient Greek κυδος (‘glory, honour’). But is it ‘wrong’? ‘Kudo’ is what is known as a back formation, generated by removing a word’s prefixes or suffixes to create a brand new one. Such back formations are rampant in English. Take the Latin pisum, ‘pea’. The Germanic-speaking Anglo-Saxons, the source

Charles Moore Charles Moore

The Spectator’s Notes | 8 December 2016

‘Are you Charles Moore of The Spectator?’ I answered to that description. ‘Well,’ said my questioner, ‘I am worried that you’re becoming very right-wing.’ We were sitting by the fire in a charming, smoky hut with no electric light and lots to eat and drink. It was a shooting lunch, the sort of occasion where one is seldom held to account for anything. I could have tried to laugh the question off, but my interrogator exhibited high intelligence and class confidence, so I sensed she wouldn’t let me get away with that. Unfortunately, I didn’t know how to answer her. I am not offended by being called right-wing, because I don’t agree

The Spectator

Portrait of the year | 8 December 2016

January The cost of an annual season ticket from Cheltenham to London rose to £9,800. Oil fell below $30 a barrel, compared with more than $100 in January 2014. David Cameron, the Prime Minister, said that once his negotiations with the EU were done, ministers could campaign for either side in the referendum on Britain’s continued membership. Junior doctors went on strike for 24 hours. In Germany, women protested in the street after gangs of men of Arab or North African appearance assaulted dozens of women in Cologne on New Year’s Eve. David Bowie died two days after releasing an album, Blackstar, on his 69th birthday. February The World Health

Lionel Shriver Lionel Shriver

Diary – 8 December 2016

Novelists can’t merely tell cracking tales. We’re supposed to save the world. At the University of Kent, a student implored me to inscribe The Mandibles with instructions for ‘how to keep this from happening’ — for the feverish young man now vowed to devote his life to preventing my new novel’s debt-fuelled near-future financial collapse. And I thought I was just doing a book signing. I wrote, ‘To keep this from happening, pay your bills. To cash in on this happening, get as deeply into debt as possible.’ The next student proffered a tiny spiral notebook, in which I was to jot ‘three things that are really important’. In desperation, I

The Spectator

Power and the people

When The Spectator was founded 188 years ago, it became part of what would now be described as a populist insurgency. An out-of-touch Westminster elite, we said, was speaking a different language to the rest of London, let alone the rest of the country. Too many ‘of the bons mots vented in the House of Commons appear stale and flat by the time they have travelled as far as Wellington Street’. This would be remedied, we argued, by extending the franchise and granting the vote to the emerging middle class. Our Tory critics said any step towards democracy — a word which then caused a shudder — would start a

The Spectator

Barometer | 8 December 2016

Forgotten anniversaries 2017 is the 100th anniversary of the Russian revolution. Other anniversaries: 50 years Radio 1; first North Sea gas pumped ashore in County Durham; first cash dispenser (at Barclays in Enfield) 100 years First international airmail service (between Brindisi in Italy and Valona, Albania); first use of air raid siren in UK; first sex education film (in the US) 200 years First municipal gasworks, Manchester; Fahrenheit scale; display of Elgin marbles at the British Museum 300 years First druid-revival ceremony, at Primrose Hill at the autumn equinox 400 years Britain’s first one-way street (Pudding Lane, in the City of London) Things to crow about Some things 2017 is

Columba

Festive features

99 (five words) and 20 (four words), whose 37 were 61 (two words) and 35D (two words), are seasonal 53 featuring the 78 whose name is formed by two unclued lights. Two unclued lights (of two words each) are the names of the 78’s 68D. In nine clues, cryptic indications omit reference to parts of answers; these parts must be highlighted, to reveal an item suggested by 99. Each of twelve Down clues consists of definitions of two words of different lengths. In seven cases the shorter word (produced when a letter 113 from the longer word) is the entry; in five cases the longer word (made by adding the

George Mcbride

How to beat the prison drugs epidemic

Pity the prisons minister, Sam Gyimah, who last week found himself explaining the term ‘potting’ to MPs on the justice select committee. For those unacquainted with the depraved state of our jails, let me save you the trouble of reading the exchange on Hansard: ‘potting’ is to throw faeces and/or urine over a prison officer. He didn’t get round to discussing the meaning of ‘mambulance’. But every day – with alarming frequency – sirens blare as an ambulance races to a prison to deal with another cardiac arrest, violent assault or attempted suicide of a prisoner, high on one of many drugs referred to as ‘spice’ or ‘black mamba’ (hence

Simon Kuper Simon Kuper

Knowing the score

When I come home from work and stick my key in the door, there is a pitter-patter of tiny feet as my eight-year-old twin boys run up to me and shout: ‘Paris St-Germain won 3-1! First he scored, then he missed, then…’ They are suffering from a harmless case of sports geekery. I had it myself as a child, and have gone on to hold down a job, albeit in the dying industry of journalism. The only difference is that as a child I wasn’t encouraged to bore my dad with my findings, because helicopter parenting hadn’t been invented yet. A complicating factor in our family is that we live

Doc

to 2287: Quarry

Unclued lights are types of LIMESTONE. First prize Frances Whitehead, Harrogate, North Yorks Runners-up Margaret Almond, Sholing, Hants; P.D.H. Riddell, London SE23

Nick Hilton Nick Hilton

The FA’s annus horribilis could be about to get a lot worse

Football is no stranger to scandal, but the scale of the sex abuse allegations now circling the beautiful game is something new. Over 350 incidences of sexual abuse have been reported in football’s sprawling academy system. Crewe Alexandra was the focal point of the initial allegations, but the net has widened rapidly – taking in the likes of Chelsea, Newcastle and now QPR. It’s no exaggeration to compare this scandal to Operation Yewtree. But it’s important, too, that the Football Association, which is conducting the probe into what has happened, learns its lessons from Yewtree. So far, the football world is making the right noises about facing up to what

Damian Thompson Damian Thompson

The Pope’s bizarre rant about eating faeces makes me wonder if he should retire

Have you read what the Pope has just said about being sexually turned on by eating faeces? He wasn’t talking about himself, let me quickly add: just human beings in general. They make him sound more like a desperately tasteless stand-up comedian than the Supreme Pontiff of the Catholic Church. I think the media have to be very clear, very transparent, and not fall into – no offence intended – the sickness of coprophilia, that is, always wanting to cover scandals, covering nasty things, even if they are true. And since people have a tendency towards the sickness of coprophagia, a lot of damage can be done. ‘No offence intended.’ That’s a nice touch,

Patrick West

The mystery of Kent’s disappearing Polish shops

Outside of London, the area in Britain that has seen the greatest settlement of eastern Europeans since 2004 has been Kent, for obvious geographical reasons. And to cater for their needs and provide creature comforts, a multitude of shops sprang up in the years that ensued. But a strange thing has started to happen here in east Kent: all the Polish and Baltic shops are starting to close down. This struck me during a visit to Canterbury last week, when I noticed that the premises of the ‘East European Food’ store in Burgate Lane has now been vacated and lays empty. This represents a trend. The Polka Shop in Bench

Helen Nugent

Waiting for the delivery that never comes? You’re not alone

Unless you work from home or are blessed with an understanding employer who offers flexible hours, waiting in for a delivery can feel like a sojourn to the seventh circle of hell. ‘Your delivery slot is 8am to 10am,’ intones the recorded voice. But you don’t believe a word of it. In fact, you know they’re lying, much in the same way you know the taxi driver isn’t ‘just around the corner’. No, he’s five miles away and has yet to break into third gear. So it comes as little surprise to learn that people whose delivery is late, turns up broken or doesn’t arrive at all spend on average

Helen Nugent

Housing, Brexit, savings and tax

There’s a slew of housing news this morning including new research from the Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors. It predicts that the housing market will make a slow start in 2017 due to a lack of homes for sale. According to Rics, property transactions have slowed since the spring and although there is a chance they may gather pace in the new year, any rise would be ‘modest’. Meanwhile, The Guardian reports on the collapse of the capital’s luxury housing market. It cites LCP, a property investment firm, which claims that, thanks to six months of Brexit uncertainty and tax changes, buyers from both Britain and abroad have been deterred from

Max Hastings

Red with the people’s blood

Few 20th-century historians doubted that the 1917 Russian revolution was one of the most influential events of their time, indeed of all time. As the centenary commemoration approaches, however, it seems remarkable how far and how fast the ideology that inspired Lenin and millions of his worldwide followers has receded in significance. Many are the imperfections of capitalism, but almost nobody outside Jeremy Corbyn’s office any longer supposes that communism, least of all the old Soviet brand, offers a credible alternative. This would amaze our grandparents’ generation on both sides of the struggle. The novels of C.P. Snow are indifferent fiction but intriguing middle-class social history. During the interwar era,