Dave – 3 January 2014

The unclued lights are examples of super slang listed on pp 7/8 in the Word Lover’s Miscellany section of Chambers 2011. First prize Paul Boswell, Hook, Hampshire Runners-up M. Puttick, Montpézat, France; M.F. O’Brien, London N12
You don’t need to be a particularly virulent pessimist to notice something phoney about this glorious economic recovery we’re supposedly experiencing. All you need to understand is that since the 2008 crash, nothing has been done to address the terrifying underlying problem that got us there: governments — our government especially, since we are one of the most indebted in the western world — are spending far too much money we haven’t got on crap (from overgenerous welfare to HS2) we can’t afford. This can only end very, very nastily. So what possible recourse do we free (ish) individuals have against the bullying might of this vast, increasingly confiscatory system
‘Did Israel spoil Christmas again?’ I only ask because the claim that they did is becoming a modern tradition in Britain. The softest and most commonplace expression of the claim comes from those vicars or congregation members who claim that they find it ‘hard’ to sing ‘O little town of Bethlehem’ nowadays because of how dreadful the situation in Bethlehem is today compared with how little, still and dreamlessly sleepy it was back in Jesus’s time. This Christmas I had already attended one church which perpetuated this new conceit. And earlier this week I went to the church of St James in Piccadilly, which has made anti-Israeli propaganda its signature dish
And then a dozen Muddy miraculous hares Sprang out of the suitcase, Bounding round and round The hotel suite, Drumming for their wild Crochety queen Back home The moon Above King’s Cross.
I once shared a car to the airport with a French MEP, a member of the Front National (FN). He spoke that very correct French which, across the Channel, serves in place of accent as a social signifier. He casually mentioned that the Holocaust couldn’t have happened, at least not on the scale claimed: the volume of the ovens, he creepily explained, was insufficient. The European Parliament has always had its fair share of extremists, eccentrics and outright, drooling loons. With the FN then polling at 6 per cent, there seemed no need to treat any of its MEPs seriously, so I took to avoiding that one. Now his party is set to win
The bunting was hardly down, and the bones of the feast hardly buried in sand, when the prodigal son started to cause flurries of unease. He found the old place provincial; the servants over-familiar; the close kin — well, he merely raised an eyebrow at the close kin. And yet, established in the best room, he showed no sign of leaving. His father gloomed round the fields; his brother kicked the cattle troughs. The voice of the fatted calf spoke to the father from the ground and his message was of forgiveness. You can’t always get it right, it said, and I bear you no hard feelings.
In Competition 2828 you were invited to submit a retrospective verse commentary on 2013. Reasons to be cheerful are, apparently, somewhat thin on the ground. Alanna Blake’s opening couplet captures the general mood of the entry: The year is past, it’s maybe best To let the poor thing lie at rest. The arrival of a royal baby injected a more positive note, albeit leavened by a healthy dash of cynicism. Here’s Jerome Betts: Yet still, you welcomed young Prince George, A howling future Head of State, Then let the media-vultures gorge On shots of —Wow! — unweighty Kate Commendations to Trish Davis and Chris O’Carroll, who were unlucky losers. The winners
My favourite quote of the season comes from Tracy Rogers, a marine ecologist who sometime today will be winched from the research vessel the Akademik Shokalskiy and rescued by helicopter. ‘I love it when the ice wins and we don’t,’ she says. ‘It reminds you that as humans we don’t control everything and that the natural world is the winner here.’ The unintended irony is delicious. If the winner of the fiasco which has been developing in the Antarctic over the past two weeks is the natural world there is little disguising who the losers are, even if, as I suspect, Tracy Rogers can’t quite see it. She and her fellow
So there was no great rush of arrivals from Romania and Bulgaria on day one – nor was there ever likely to be. The numbers will build steadily as they did from Poland in 2004. How many is another question. The key difference with Poland is that other countries, notably Germany, France, The Netherlands and Austria will be opening their labour markets at the same time; other members have already done so. The other major difference is that about a million, mainly Romanians, have already gone to Spain and a similar number to Italy. In Spain unemployment is now about 25% and youth unemployment is just over 50%; the same
Tristram Hunt, Shadow Education Secretary, is an intelligent and articulate individual but like everyone in politics, has the handicap of having to square his views with the record and policies of his own party. His interesting interview with the Fabian Review is a case in point. He attributes some of the education failures of white boys — the new educational underclass — in British schools to the influx of large numbers of East European immigrants in areas like Kent and East Anglia. His remedy for the problem is benign, namely, to educate indigenous youth to the standards needed by employers, so as to outflank the competition, and to focus on
The Daily Telegraph’s excellent interview with the head of the Countryside Alliance today tells us what many people in the countryside have known for a long time: that the RSPCA has become a malign organisation. I wrote my own expose of the ‘charity’ in February this year in which I compared it to J. Edgar Hoover’s FBI. More and more people are realising that the RSPCA is a powerful group of snoopers who seem to exist for nothing so much as to further their own power. The RSPCA is really now so political it should not be able to call itself a charity and it should not carry the Royal prefix
It’s right, isn’t it, that the storm we’ve just had was far, far, worse than the Worst Storm In A Million Years © we had a month back and which was trailed in advance by the Met Office and all the news programmes? And as others have pointed out, while there was far more damage done to the country and more people were left without electricity this time around, public transport – and especially the trains – were nowhere near so badly affected. We are back, slightly, in Mandela territory; blanket coverage and predictions of an apocalypse on the news programmes seems to have affected the train companies more deeply
Next year marks a millennium since the sermon given in 1014 by Archbishop Wulfstan in York where he declared that “the world is in a rush and is getting close to its end.” Ever since, people (especially clergy) have had a similar story to tell: the world is moving too fast, people are too selfish and things are going to the dogs. The truth is that the world is in a better shape now than any time in history – a claim which may sound bizarre, but it’s borne out by the facts. I was on LBC radio earlier, discussing the leading article in the Spectator Christmas special which explained
Sifting through the heaps of discarded language and redundant memes expended in the last twelve months, it’s clear that they don’t make ‘em like they used to. Ah, for the days when clichés were built to last! Twitter now rolls out disposable buzz phrases like a chopstick factory, and all we can do is get a bit angry and forget about them. This is not to say that Neology is dead. This year gave us ‘Twerking’, which I rather like – provided it remains confined to inverted commas rather than let loose in my kitchen. Another 2013 winner is ‘Chumley’ – shorthand for laddish berks with aristocratic pretentions and red
In the 2 December 1995 edition, Digby Anderson bemoans a Britain in which people just cannot postpone any pleasure: not crisps, not carols. Christmas was and still is regarded as a time of feasting. Traditionally, however, the feasting started on 25 December and went on to 2 February, the feast of Candlemas. Now, the feasters just about last till after lunch on Boxing Day. When offered the most modest pre-dinner drinks on that evening, they haul up the white flag and holler, ‘Nuff.’ Christmas Day used to be the start of carol singing, Christmas carols that is; it was Advent carols that were sung before the 25th. Now the only
Soothe your post-Christmas dinner indigestion with these readers’ charms, dug out from the spell-book that is the 24th December 1954 edition. The usual prize of £5 was offered for a charm against the pains of indigestion after Christmas dinner, in not more than eight lines of English verse: the charm to be pronounced while taking the prescribed dose of bismuth, bicarb., or other normal remedy. Nearly ninety competitors were prepared to reinforce their doses of magnesia, bismuth, bicarb. and alka-seltzer with a rhyming charm; but, although among the big and little guns there were (as Sir John Squire said in a Masefield parody) `some interesting ones,’ I was rather disappointed
Her Maj on top form – and highlighting the benefits of the ‘family’ of the Commonwealth. A reminder that, if Britain does leave the EU, it has a far more strategically-placed global network to fall back on.
Writing in the 23 December 1966 edition of The Spectator, Auberon Waugh considers the role of Christianity, in all its forms, in an English Christmas. It’s not hard to see why most grown-ups detest Christmas nowadays. It is expensive and tawdry, a time for self-deception and false sentiment. It is a children’s feast, which is why we all pretend to be children and show gratitude for unwelcome presents and rot our fragile insides with poisonous green crystallised fruit. To crown all the meretricious jollity and make-believe, an enormous number of grown-up Englishmen go to church. This has become as much part of Christmas as the plum pudding, and I think
Every Christmas, The Spectator runs a short story but for the first time this year we’re having it read — and by the author. We’re delighted that Susan Hill, whose many books include The Woman In Black and The Mist in the Mirror, has agreed to read her new story, The Boy on the Hillside, which we are releasing as a special podcast. If you can wire up your computer or telephone to the sofa, it’s the perfect way to spend some time on Christmas Eve. listen to ‘Susan Hill reads ‘The Boy on the Hillside’’ on Audioboo