Society

Thursday

Melissa Kite

Real life | 24 January 2013

Sitting opposite me in an elegant restaurant, my male friend looked deep into my eyes and said three little words. And with those three little words, he changed my world for ever. ‘You need Swarfega.’ ‘Swuh…swuh…’ I said, feeling a lump forming in my throat and my whole identity crumbling. ‘Swarfega. You know, the heavy-duty hand-cleaner in the red and green tubs. You can buy it on the internet.’ I looked down at my hands. But they weren’t there. Someone had put the hands of Albert Steptoe on the ends of my arms instead. ‘Oh my god! Where have my hands gone?’ I gasped. The waitress came and topped up

Alexander Chancellor

Long life | 24 January 2013

I am writing on what is known as Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year. Or so the Daily Mail tells me. The newspaper claims that Blue Monday was invented by a psychologist called Cliff Arnall, who seven years ago identified the third Monday in January as the day on which people are at their gloomiest. ‘He came up with a scientific formula based on the length of time until next Christmas, holiday debt, and the likelihood of giving up New Year resolutions,’ it says. The remoteness of next Christmas might seem, on the contrary, to be something to cheer about; and failure to keep New Year resolutions

Janet de Botton

Bridge | 24 January 2013

It took more than total white-out and Heathrow closing its doors to deter 200 avid bridge players from making their way to Hinckley for the National Swiss Teams, probably the most popular event in the EBU calendar. The format is two days playing 13 matches and the best team usually wins. This year the best team was led by the nicest man in the room, Martin Jones, who was ahead from almost the first match and never wavered. Martin played with Neil Rosen and their teammates were Michael Byrne and Duncan Happer, all of whom must have played a blinder as they stormed to victory. Here is Martin declaring 4♥,

Raymond Keene

Anand’s Immortal

There is a scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where Sir Lancelot’s servant, Patsy, is shot in the back by an arrow and seems to expire. As Lancelot ( John Cleese) brusquely proceeds on his mission, Patsy (Eric Idle) protests that contrary to appearances he is not dead yet. The world champion Vishy Anand has put me in mind of this. He defended his title last year, but his performance was fairly lacklustre, and he has generally seemed uninspired in his tournament games. His loss to the up-and-coming star Magnus Carlsen towards the end of last year more or less confirmed Anand as a write-off, a roi fainéant,

The Spectator

Barometer | 24 January 2013

Four sworn Barack Obama achieved a remarkable feat last week: he managed to take the oath of office for a fourth time. Under the 22nd Amendment to the US constitution, which was passed in 1947, no president may be elected to office more than twice. — In 2009 Obama took his oath a second time, in the White House, after chief justice John Roberts confused his lines, leading to suggestions that Joe Biden was president. — The constitution demands that 20 January be inauguration day. As it fell on Sunday, Obama took an oath in private, followed by a re-run at the official ceremony on Monday. — Only one other

Raymond Keene

No. 230 | 24 January 2013

Black to play. This is from Rotlewi-Rubinstein, Lodz 1907. Black has already given up his queen and now concluded with a blow that rendered this game immortal. What did he play? Answers to me at The Spectator by Tuesday 29 January or via email to victoria@spectator.co.uk or by fax on 020 7681 3773. The winner will be the first correct answer out of a hat, and each week I shall be offering a prize of £20. Please include a postal address and allow six weeks for prize delivery. Last week’s solution 1 … N4xd5 Last week’s winner Peter Forrest, London N6

Toby Young Toby Young

Election fever

I was at a petrol station in Nakuru, a city in Kenya’s Rift Valley, when I experienced my first moment of genuine terror since arriving in Africa. I was standing in a queue, waiting to pay, when a crowd of about 500 locals suddenly invaded the garage forecourt. They were campaigning for one of the candidates in Kenya’s forthcoming election — a mob, in other words, and not a very friendly one at that. Some of them were clutching makeshift weapons — clubs, sticks and whatnot — and I looked on in horror as a breakaway group surrounded my Toyota Land Cruiser and started rocking it from side to side.

Tanya Gold Tanya Gold

Tanya Gold reviews The Churchill Arms, London

The Churchill Arms in Kensington is a sort of Winston Churchill fetish bar, full of every conceivable piece of Winston Churchill memorabilia, or toy. Relics of his actual corpse may lurk, loitering behind a decorative mug or a Plasticine bust of his head. There is a three-quarter-size cardboard cutout of the Queen, photographs of every other British prime minister looking confused or disappointed, and what I think are the ‘scores’ from the Battle of Britain. I am here because it is seasonal suicide week and who needs to be near Richard Caring’s event napery or log styling in seasonal suicide week? There has been a Thai restaurant inside the Churchill

Dot Wordsworth

Lang Syne

Those of us who only pronounce the words auld lang syne on New Year’s Eve and have a vague grasp of their grammatical function may be cheered by a sign at Ballyhalbert in Co. Down that reads: ‘Shore Road, formerly — lang syne, Tay Pot Raa.’ So we are learning quickly. Lang syne means ‘formerly’, and the local words for ‘tea pot’ are tay pot, and for ‘road’, raa. Hence Faas Raa. But what language is this? The Good Friday Agreement of 1998 declared that ‘part of the cultural wealth of the island of Ireland’ was Ulster-Scots. This is undeniable. In 2001, the United Kingdom recognised ‘Scots and Ulster Scots’

William Shawcross

Diary – 24 January 2013

Kofi Annan has just been in town for an evening organised by The Spectator. The 800 seats at the Cadogan Hall could have been sold twice over; the former UN Secretary General has a huge following. Having known and admired him since Bosnia in 1993, I was very pleased to be his interlocutor. He has just published a fine memoir, Interventions. This deals with involvements such as the UN’s fight against HIV/AIDS — in which he gives President George W. Bush high marks — as well as the UN’s sometimes controversial military interventions as peacekeepers. He is candid about his own and the UN’s failures, particularly in Bosnia and Rwanda.

Mary Killen

Dear Mary | 24 January 2013

Q. My husband uses a wheelchair at airports all over the world but I find it very difficult to know when, and how much, to give the kind attendants. One man happily pocketed ten euros at Amsterdam last month, while another (a woman) refused to take anything at all. I believe it is standard to tip five or ten dollars in the US but I have had polite refusals in the UK and elsewhere.  Any advice on how much and where to proffer gratefully received. — S.S., Crieff A. Tipping etiquette is in chaos. Not only is there no international consistency but there has been a generational change so that

The Spectator

Portrait of the week | 24 January 2013

Home David Cameron, the Prime Minister, at last delivered his speech on Europe, postponed during the Algerian hostage crisis. He wanted to ‘negotiate a new settlement with our European partners’, and before the end of 2017, ‘when we have negotiated that new settlement, we will give the British people a referendum with a very simple in or out choice. To stay in the EU on these new terms; or come out altogether. It will be an in/out referendum.’ The government started trying to hurry through a Bill to change succession to the Crown. Blockbuster, the DVD rental firm, went into administration and announced the closure of 160 of its 528

Columba

Solution to 2094: A little down

Corrected definitions were: 12A camper; 15A bairn; 28A plants; 37A yearn; 39A fines (pl. of finis); 43A beard; 6D paras; 19D vice; 25D coin; 40D shot. Missing letters spelt MILES DAVIS, whose work 42A defines the other unclued lights. First prize C.R. Haigh, Hassocks, West Sussex Runners-up Heather Kingham, Barnay, France; John Driver, London SE13

Columba

2097: Spaced

In each of 14 clues, the cryptic indication omits reference to one letter of the answer.  These letters must be highlighted, to reveal the name of someone who has had a number of 43, some of which are unclued lights, individually or paired.  Each of the remaining clues comprises a definition part and a hidden consecutive jumble of the answer including one extra letter; the extras are the unchecked letters of all seven unclued lights. One unclued light consists of three words, and one consists of two words.   Across 1 Earmark bozo unloading gun (8) 5 Ever so bad and at large (6) 9 Erroneous archaic utterance (10) 14

Sebastian Payne

David Willetts looks back to the future for economic growth

Can science and technology become the backbone of the British economy? David Willetts thinks so — he’s set out eight great technologies he believes will ‘play a vital role in delivering economic growth’. The Universities and Science minister explained today why British scientific research needs beefing up, albeit in a very free market manner: ‘The challenge is to reap an economic benefit from this capability without clunky interventions that risk undermining the open curiosity-driven research which is what makes us special in the first place. For too long the UK has been hampered by a ‘valley of death’ between scientific discovery and commercial application. If we tackle this, then we

Camilla Swift Camilla Swift

How could carcinogenic drugs have got into the food chain? Ask Defra

Shadow Defra minister Mary Creagh told MPs today about her fears that a carcinogenic drug commonly used as an anti-inflammatory in horses could have entered the human food chain. Speaking in the Commons, she said: ‘I am in receipt of evidence showing that several horses slaughtered in UK abattoirs last year tested positive for phenylbutazone, or bute, a drug which causes cancer in humans and is banned from the human food chain. It is possible that those animals entered the human food chain.’ As I wrote on Coffee House on Tuesday, it was Defra’s decision last autumn to abolish the National Equine Database which has got us into this mess. Previously, the

Shiraz Maher

Jordan risks unrest with subsidy cuts

Keep an eye on Jordan next week where King Abdullah is set to announce further subsidy cuts to water and electricity to ease the country’s economic crisis. The last time he was forced to cut subsidies was in November, prompting widespread protests across the country. It is likely similar unrest will follow if he now announces cuts on water and electricity subsidies. For the region’s monarchies, this is particularly unsettling. So far they’ve managed to avoid much of the turbulence that swept away regimes in North Africa. If unrest against Abdullah intensifies, don’t expect the Gulf’s monarchs to be shielded from popular protest for much longer.

Steerpike Steerpike

Shardenfreude: More news from the Shard

Since revealing that the Shard’s ‘loos with a view’ give punters more than they bargained for, I’ve been inundated with even saucier tales emanating from western Europe’s tallest building. I hear that a new exclusive club has been formed at the top of the 1,016ft glass spire: the almost mile high club. Staff became aware that the tower had been ‘christened’ when an errant pair of skimpy knickers were found in the gents…