Society

Saturday

Melissa Kite

Real life | 23 June 2012

‘Have you thought about moving these sofas around?’ asked the builder boyfriend. ‘No,’ I said. ‘They’re identical. There’s no point.’ ‘They’re not identical. One is a sofa bed and slightly bigger. It would fit better if they were the other way around.’ ‘Please leave them,’ I said. ‘I like them the way they are.’ ‘But the bigger one doesn’t fit in the window. It should be where the smaller one is. That would make it so much better. Don’t you want it to be better?’ No, I don’t. That’s the whole point. I don’t want things to get better, I just want them to stay the same. I’m the sort

Peter Jones

Ancient and modern: Romans and republicans

During the Queen’s Jubilee celebrations, every Polly in the world chanted dispraise of Her Majesty, who is personally responsible (one claimed) for Trident, public schools, income difference, lack of job opportunities and tax havens. What they want is a Republic. The Republic was invented in 509 bc (traditional date) by the Romans to replace a tyrant king, who ‘ruled neither by decree of the people nor authority of the Senate, had no right to the throne bar force … instilled fear by executing, exiling, and confiscating the property of, many … and governed the state through a private circle of advisers’. The parallel with the power of Her Majesty is obvious. ‘Republic’

The Spectator

Letters | 23 June 2012

Full steam ahead Sir: Your cover story (‘A U-turn to celebrate’, 16 June) claimed that the government has ditched High Speed 2: we absolutely have not. The article was built on three assertions, none of which stand up to scrutiny. Firstly, HS2 legislation has always been planned for the 2013–2014 session of Parliament, as set out in my department’s business plan of over a year ago, and never earlier as alleged in the story. There is no delay, no rethink. Secondly, as the article points out, I do listen to the concerns of those opposed to the project because I recognise the impact HS2 will have and I care about

Robin Oakley

Moment of glory

The Oxfordshire village to which Mrs Oakley and I have moved is possibly the friendliest place in the world. But even harmonious communities can have their little tensions. Last week we learnt of a local lady who was affronted by the number of dog poos deposited on her front lawn by a neighbour’s terrier. She collected a number of examples, wrapped each carefully in foil and took a trayload of the packages round to the offending owner, thrusting it into her hands when she opened her door with the insistence: ‘ These are yours.’ You would certainly have to call that direct action. I did feel, however, that she pushed

Raymond Keene

Chess: Don’t panic

The proliferation of short draws in the recently concluded World Championship match has led to some hysterical proposals to adjust the format which decides the supreme title in chess. For the record, Viswanathan Anand of India, the defending champion, retained his title against Boris Gelfand of Israel with ten draws and one win each in the main contest, which was followed by four rapid-play games to break the tie. In the rapid-play games, Anand emerged triumphant with one win and three draws. Many of the draws were of scant interest and minimal duration. That said, over 100 million internet viewers tuned in to watch the one-day play-off. In spite of

Raymond Keene

Puzzle No. 223

Black to play. This is from Anand-Gelfand, rapid-play play-off, World Championship, Moscow 2012. Gelfand eventually lost, but he had a clever chance here to make a clear draw. How? Answers to me at The Spectator by Tuesday 26 July or via email to victoria@spectator.co.uk or by fax on 020 7681 3773. The winner will be the first correct answer out of a hat, and each week I shall be offering a prize of £20. Please include a postal address and allow six weeks for prize delivery. Last week’s solution 1 Qh7 Last week’s winner Jeremy Hart, Yatton, Somerset

The Spectator

Barometer

Striking out Argentinian tennis player David Nalbandian was disqualified from the men’s final at Queen’s Club after he kicked out at an advertising hoarding, injuring the leg of a line judge sitting close by. It can be dangerous being close to a frustrated sportsman. — Former Manchester United player Eric Cantona executed a flying kick on a Crystal Palace fan after being sent off during a match in 1995. In 1987, while playing for Auxerre, Cantona punched his own goal-keeper, giving him a black eye. — In 2003, David Beckham received a cut above his eye in what his Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson described as a ‘freakish incident’ involving

Columba

Crossword 2065 solution

AND could be found in the grid connecting NAME & ADDRESS, HERO & LEANDER, and BANGERS & MASH, so 19 and 21 were connected by THE and had to be GOD SAVE and KING. First prize P.L. Macdougall, London SW6 Runners-up Roderick Burgess, Cantsfield, Canforth, Lancs; Sheelagh Abbots, Chirk, Wrexham

Columba

Crossword 2068: Hard case

One unclued light is an utterance prompted by a discovery. One unclued light is the occupation of the person to whom the discovered item belonged; the remaining unclued lights are features of the item. The name of the speaker, concealed in one column, and the item itself, concealed in another, must be highlighted.  One unclued light consists of three words, and one consists of two words. Across 8 Exultant cry by supplier of music for journey (4) 12 Not as worried about lawful petitioner (10) 13 Father left daughter in country (6, two words) 14 Declines to keep fish in boxes (7) 15 Goes without money in defeat, languishing (8)

Fraser Nelson Fraser Nelson

Schools: the cash illusion

13 years of Labour rule taught us two vital lessons about school reform. The first is that there is no direct link between money and results. Funding per pupil more than doubled under the last government: But for all that extra cash, Britain’s schools have slipped down the international league tables over the past decade. Every three years, the OECD rates countries according to student performance. Of the 31 with scores for both 2000 and 2009, here is the top twenty in mathematics for 2009, along with changes since 2000: So if money doesn’t work, what does? The Blair/Adonis City Academy reforms — which themselves stem from the Major/Baker reforms

Lucy Vickery

Competition: Fallen angels

In Competition No. 2751 you were invited to paint a portrait in verse of Ladies’ Day at Royal Ascot. In his Turf column last year, Robin Oakley wondered what the poet who, in 1823, described ‘the Thursday goings-on as “Ladies Day …when the women, like angels, look sweetly divine”’ would make of today’s proceedings. Well, the entry is a fulsome tribute to the Ladies of 2012, urging us to delight in the life-enhancing antics and ensembles that raise them hats and shoulder pads above their ‘angelic’ predecessors. The winners pocket £25 apiece. Brian Allgar gets £30. The ladies are charming, although it’s alarming To see how they jostle and chatter

Bruce Anderson

Champagne moments

These days, Anne Jenkin is one of the Tory party’s grandest dames. David Cameron sent her to the House of Lords as a reward for her efforts to persuade able girls to become Tory MPs — and for trying to keep her husband, Bernard Jenkin, in order: well-deserved, on both counts. Years ago, the Noble Baroness herself was interested in the Lower House. In the early 1980s, to get mud on her Pradas, she stood for Glasgow Glottal Stop and was brave enough to hold a public meeting. A glowering member of the public fired a question: ‘Whit’s the can’date think aboot fizz?’ Anne leant forward, as if looking for

Janet de Botton

Bridge

The 51st European Championships, which are being played in Dublin, started last week, and at the time of writing England are doing brilliantly in all three classes: Open, Ladies and Seniors. Very sadly, Alexander Allfrey and his partner, the incomparable Andrew Robson, one of our pairs in the Open, had to pull out and reserves Tom Townsend and David Bakhshi stepped in. One of the first times I played against Tom was at rubber bridge, where I found myself sitting against him on today’s hand. I lost a lot of money when Tom, technically one of the greatest players I have ever met, brought home this grand slam, but in

Clive Aslet

Welcome to the doll’s house

What do Historic Royal Palaces think they are doing? They’re the people who look after the five royal palaces not occupied by the Queen, and their activities have been constrained by the fact that most of the contents are owned by her. But the recent reopening of Kensington Palace has gone to their heads. It’s as if, after decades of patiently interpreting the arcana of royal households, they’ve burst out of their corsets and gone wild. Kensington Palace, remember, is an edifice of such established importance that it’s not even listed. The only thing that is listed there is the statue of Queen Victoria in Kensington Gardens. Kensington Palace was

Martin Vander Weyer Martin Vander Weyer

The Athens result brings the austerity debate to a close – but not in a good way

‘Greeks choose austerity over chaos,’ said a typical headline on Monday morning. But in truth the argument for austerity is pretty much lost, and we might as well move on to the argument about in­equality — and related arguments about volatility, more of which below. While anti-austerity socialists secured a majority in the French parliament, the pro-austerity New Democracy party limped home in the re-run Greek general election — but with less than 30 per cent of the poll. The coalition that these centre-rightists will try to lead is likely to win a bouquet of extra EU ‘growth’ funding and more time to pay debts, as a reward for saving

Rory Sutherland Rory Sutherland

Slaves to the network

It is a common lament that the British are bad at languages. At first glance, this is inarguably true. Few educated Brits can chat unselfconsciously in French. Yet ordinary Swedes or Dutchmen can tell jokes and explain complicated ideas in perfectly idiomatic English. It’s our fault, isn’t it? Well, not quite. Let’s leave the matter of individual competence behind and zoom outwards to look at the wider ‘network effects’ of learning a foreign language. Let’s assume you are Dutch. It is immediately obvious which foreign language to learn first — English. But for a native English speaker there’s a quandary. Mandarin, Spanish, Arabic, Portuguese or Malay could all make a

Taki

High life

It is very still as I sit down to write, the atmosphere heavy and oppressive. They say time flies, but less so if one looks backwards. One thousand years before Constantinople fell to the Ottomans in 1453, Emperor Justinian was embarrassed to discover that his Greek subjects were not paying their taxes. Cheating officialdom has become a trademark of modern Greece, and is often attributed by philhellenes to the 400-year Turkish occupation, and subsequent Greek resistance. Not necessarily, says famed historian Taki. Byzantium’s government officials closely resemble Greek government agents of the present day. Two thirds of the revenues extorted from the taxpayers during Byzantium’s heyday never reached the Treasury.

Paul Wood

‘If no one helps us, we will turn to the devil’

Homs province Between the distant pop of the mortar when it’s fired, the pressure wave, and the roar of the blast five or six seconds later when it lands, the rebel fighters recited the Shahadah, the Muslim declaration of faith. ‘There is no God but Allah and Mohammed is his messenger.’ ‘We do this in case one hits us,’ the group’s leader tells me, smiling. ‘So we go straight to paradise. No delays.’ The rebels and I were hiding out in the apricot orchards along Syria’s border with Lebanon. Every night, the Syrian army sent a few dozen mortars crashing down. And although the rebels had no heavy weapons of

Michael Henderson

Whispering death

It is midsummer, and England are playing the West Indies at cricket. The teams have completed a three-Test series, which England won 2-0, and they are now playing five matches of 50 overs a side, a form of the game that suits the big-hitting Caribbean batsmen. You would have thought that West Indian supporters would be flocking to the ground, yet they are staying away in their thousands. At Lord’s, Trent Bridge and Edgbaston, which staged the Test matches, the West Indian supporters could have arrived on a decent-sized bus. Returning to Lord’s last week, for a one-day game against Middlesex, played in excellent weather, you could count the black

Christopher Booker

Butterfly effects

Under such headlines as ‘British butterfly defies doom prediction to thrive in changing climate’, the usual suspects (e.g. the Guardian and the Independent) recently publicised a study claiming that, thanks to global warming, ‘a once-rare British butterfly’, the Brown Argus, ‘is becoming a common sight in the English countryside’. A paper from York University, it was reported, showed that these butterflies have moved so far north that they can now be seen ‘within a few miles’ of York. Not for the first time on reading similar claims, I wondered how it is that their authors seem to know so little about butterflies, My battered copy of the best book on