Society

Saturday

Simon Hoggart

Spectator Mini-Bar Offer | 7 April 2007

Order your wines by email Prestige Agencies is part of the admirable Playford Ros company in North Yorkshire. They sell some wonderful wines from the world’s boutique vineyards, often made in tiny quantities, all created with the kind of loving attention you just don’t get in supermarket booze. Because the wineries are so small they are rarely well-known, so, like a drug dealer lurking outside the school gates, Andrew Firth has offered Spectator readers some remarkable bargains in the hope of getting you hooked. I think you will be as impressed and delighted as I was. The two whites come from Foxes Island, which is a dry ridge in the

Jaspistos

Hard sell

In competition No. 2488 you were invited to write a publisher’s press release for one of the following: Weeds in a Changing World; Bombproof your Horse; How Green were the Nazis?. The assignment was inspired by the contest for the Oddest Book Title of the Year, run since 1978 by the Bookseller. Bombproof your Horse (helpfully subtitled: Teach your Horse to Be Confident, Obedient, and Safe No Matter What You Encounter), a serious manual for equestrians by Rick Pelicano and Lauren Tjaden which sells a steady 400 copies a month, stormed to victory in 2004. The prizewinners, printed below, get £25 a piece. Alan Millard’s brew of cliché and hyperbole,

Frank Keating

Championship fever

Eight teams, and scarcely 10 points between them for months. While the Premiership title has long been an unchallenging two-horse race between Manchester United and Chelsea, the top of English league football’s second tier, the Championship, remains thrillingly, feverishly congested. The frantic, concertina’d eightsome are (alphabetically is safer, so regularly do the leaders change) Birmingham City, Derby County, Cardiff City, Preston North End, Southampton, Sunderland, West Bromwich Albion and Wolverhampton Wanderers. One or two others jostle close behind, eager to join a late convulsion for the line. Just three promotion places: automatic for the leading two; the next four play-off to be the one to join them. Wolves at Sunderland

Saturday

Mary Killen

Dear Mary… | 31 March 2007

Q. My son is on his gap year and travelling around India. While having lunch with a friend she showed me a website on to which her son has posted a blog of his gap year. By the looks of it virtually every 18–19-year-old public schoolchild in the country has done the same. Endless faces in various states of stupefaction leer out against tropical backgrounds accompanied by descriptions of how ‘chilled’ everyone is. I am only human so when she suggested typing my son’s name into the search box I naturally concurred. I was initially shocked to see that he too looked stupefied in his photographs and he too is

Jeremy Clarke

Fizzing with happiness

Since my boy passed his driving test, just one month after his 17th birthday, I no longer drive the ten miles to his mother’s house to pick him up at weekends. Now he comes and goes between his parents as he pleases, and the weekly mug of tea and a cigarette at her kitchen table, the 20 minutes of gossip, and the ceremony of the handing over of the 40 quid child maintenance, have come to an abrupt end. Missing the tea and gossip, however, I popped over there one day last week for a purely social visit. My boy’s mother hasn’t been able to go anywhere in the past

Robin Oakley

Spittin Mick

There is no cannier, or more careful, man in racing than Sheriff Hutton trainer Mick Easterby, 76 this weekend. If he didn’t exist, Yorkshire would have to hew him out of Wensleydale stone. He says he would like to win the Lottery and spend all his days counting, not spending, the money. He collects farms the way other people collect Toby jugs or first-day covers. The sign on his office wall used to declare, and probably still does: ‘If I can’t take it with me, I don’t want to go’. True or not, the story they tell of the owner who called Mick Easterby and said he’d like to buy

Peter Jones

Ancient & modern | 31 March 2007

Cinematically fascinating, historical tosh, eye-goudgingly tedious and designed for boys of a mental age of about 13 — such was the general judgment of 300, the film about the holding operation of the Spartans and their allies at Thermopylae against the massive Persian army (480 bc). But how the Spartans would have loved it! First, Spartans are presented in the film as the only Greeks prepared to take on the advancing enemy. In fact they were the leaders of a coalition of Greek states, who had long debated where to attempt to hold up the Persian advance, only finally settling on Thermopylae. Second, the Spartans are portrayed as upholders of

The Spectator

Letters to the Editor | 31 March 2007

Christian unity Sir: I am sorry that Piers Paul Read (‘The Pope’s anti-liberal revolution’, 24 March) assumes that the English and Welsh bishops have not welcomed the Papal Exhortation Sacramentum Caritatis. It is not always customary for bishops to issue immediate comments on Papal documents. I was, in fact, part of the drafting committee and thus closely involved in its preparation. My own statement expressed my admiration for the document and my wish for it to be promulgated widely among the Catholics of this country. I have no doubt my fellow bishops will be doing the same. Nor should it be assumed that the ecumenical movement is over or that

Tamzin Lightwater

Diary of a Notting Hill nobody | 31 March 2007

MONDAY What on earth is going on? Ever since Budget day there’s been a really strange atmosphere around here. Can’t put my finger on what’s wrong except to say — I know this is going to sound hysterical — I think there’s some sort of situation developing between Dave and Gids. It could be nothing but it’s been haunting me ever since Dave got to his feet to fight Gordon armed only with a file full of dodgy jokes about Stalin (mostly Nigel’s, v poor). Given the circumstances, he did really, really well. I mean — 2p cut/10p band?! It’s all Dutch to normal people. But couldn’t Gids have passed

Charles Moore Charles Moore

The Spectator’s Notes | 31 March 2007

From the astonishing film of Ian Paisley and Gerry Adams together you can see at once that it is Paisley who has lost. Birthrights and messes of pottage come to mind. Smart-looking, cool-headed, smug Adams has gained respectability and power, and the chance to unite Ireland under his leadership without having to renounce any of his evil past. What has sagging old Paisley gained? A seat for his wife in the House of Lords and the exquisite discomfort of being called a ‘man of destiny’ by Peter Hain. He has weakened the Union; that is not something he would mind if, in exchange, he became the ruler of Ulster, but

Tony Parsons

Diary – 31 March 2007

Vilnius Sex clubs are a bit different in Lithuania. You don’t walk down some dark alley, knock three times and ask for Lulu. Here they come and get you. I dump my suitcase, crack open the mini-bar and pick up the usual hotel spam about pay-per-view and fine dining. And out fall all these glossy leaflets featuring high-class escorts crawling on all fours. Call to our club for free taxi!! they urge. Outside my hotel window, I see the narrow streets of Vilnius Old Town are deserted apart from cruising stretch limos, awaiting the call from lonely foreign businessmen. And I wonder — do they also bring you back? Or

Theodore Dalrymple

‘I want Sarkozy to be right’

Theodore Dalrymple, who lives in France, says that the presidential frontrunner faces an awesome range of problems — unsettlingly similar to those that will confront the Prime Minister unlucky enough succeed Gordon Brown Les Vans During the height of the Dreyfus affair, a cartoon appeared depicting the setting of a bourgeois dinner party before and after it had taken place. Afterwards, the room was wrecked, as if a platoon of marauding soldiers had passed through it. The problem was that the guests had talked about the affair. The current French election is a little like this. The word Sarko is enough to raise the temperature and the heart rate at

Matthew Parris Matthew Parris

Lilla’s greatest feat is to make us imagine the unimaginable

‘I was much surprised,’ wrote Anthony Trollope in 1873, ‘at the fortifications of Sydney Harbour. One would almost wish to be a gunner for the sake of being at one of these forts.’ He was right. Guarding the entrance to the city’s great inland harbour system at North Head and South Head are lookouts and fortifications in the most beautiful of situations. The coincidence last week of the short walk to South Head, the long journey to Australia, and a book, led me to a curious sideways reflection on the fine old cannon still pointing across the harbour mouth. Which way to face? Who are the next enemy? Sitting near

Paul Johnson

Noah and his ark are perennial, and now fashionable too

Noah was the first believer in climate change. He saw it coming and acted in time. So it’s odd he is not the hero of the greens. But then they are all atheists. The two things go together, for being green, a secular form of pantheism, is a substitute for religion. Hence the fanaticism, so typical of primitive beliefs. Certain green scientists even want denial of climate change made into a criminal offence, as Holocaust denial is in some Continental countries. Another reason Noah is unsatisfactory to the greens is that he believed that climate change would be temporary: hence the ark and its passengers, to be saved ‘that they

Edie Lush

Channel 4 heads closer to the edge

How much do you hate Big Brother? A lot perhaps; but enough to welcome the demise of Channel 4? This is a real possibility: an Ofcom report due in a few days time will detail just how precarious Channel 4’s finances are becoming. While the report’s contents are still unknown, the challenges C4 faces are not. C4 has produced some of the nation’s favourite programming, including Channel 4 News and Film4 hits such as Four Weddings and a Funeral and Trainspotting. It has also produced programmes such as Celebrity Big Brother, which have grabbed headlines but horrified the chattering classes. In a bid to avoid more of the same, C4

Allister Heath

A radical, reforming Budget? No – it was tax-and-spin as usual

Gordon Brown’s 11th and final Budget was a masterpiece of spin and obfuscation, with his headline-grabbing reductions in the basic rate of income tax and corporation tax more than made up for by a series of stealth tax raids. On that point, my friends and I are in complete agreement. But for the first time since I began writing about the British economy, some of the economists and think-tankers I most respect have broken ranks with the rest of the Chancellor’s critics. To many free-market policy wonks, the fact that Brown has dared to break a central taboo of modern British politics by cutting direct tax rates easily makes up

Merryn Somerset-Webb

Not so dark continent

In Bond Street tube station an ad catches my eye every morning: ‘140 million people, 9th largest market in the world, 42 billion tonnes of bitumen, 3rd largest movie industry in the world, Africa’s fastest growing telecommunications market. Nigeria …it’s more than what you think it is.’ The effect is slightly ruined by the grammar of that final slogan, but the message gets across: anyone in the business or investment world who has written Nigeria off as nothing more than a no-hope nation of clever but fraudulent letter-writers is making a mistake. The same could be said of much of the rest of Africa. It’s not hard to find misery:

Angela Summerfield

Shifting impressions

Abstract art in Britain, in its widest sense, is currently enjoying a revival of interest among collectors, art dealers and curators; a time span which runs from the 1960s to the latest recipient of the Turner Prize, Tomma Abts. Callum Innes, still only in his mid-forties, is Scotland’s premier abstract painter. He is represented in leading public collections and by commercial galleries in London, New York and Dublin; he was awarded the Jerwood Painting Prize 2002 and showed at Tate, St Ives in 2005. The current show, organised by the dynamic Fruitmarket Gallery, Edinburgh, features a selection of small and large-scale paintings created over the past 15 years. They are

Jaspistos

Ancient and modern | 31 March 2007

In Competition No. 2487 you were invited to submit a theatrical critic’s response to a production of a modern play in ancient costume. There were easy laughs to be had at the expense of ropy chitons and inadequate loincloths and in general you took a harsh line. Most of you set your jaundiced sights on productions of works by just a few (Pinter, Osborne and Coward loomed large). None, though, scaled the scornful heights of Kenneth Tynan’s much-quoted take on Gielgud in modern dress, whom he described as having ‘the general aspect of a tight, smart, walking umbrella’. A more or less lone chorus of approval came from W.J. Webster,

Frank Keating

Woolmer in Wisden

The appalling crime in Jamaica still has the cricket world in shock, and it was harrowingly eerie this week to be coldly attempting to relish Wisden’s latest arrival, hot off the press. In it, of course, Bob Woolmer features prominently. The new almanack includes a poignant full-page close-up picture of a desperate Bob brandishing (in vain) The Laws of Cricket on the Oval balcony on that cataclysmic afternoon last August. For cricket’s own official version of how the laws of life were so greviously smithereened this March, as well as the game’s intimate farewell hosannas to trailblazer Woolmer, we shall have to wait the 12 months till Wisden 2008. Last