Society

Saturday

Deborah Ross

Restaurants | 2 December 2006

First off, I should say I’m no great expert when it comes to Swedish food. First off, I should say I’m no great expert when it comes to Swedish food. Yes, I’ve been to Ikea — so many veneers, so little time! — and, yes, I’ve had the meatballs in the café but, judging by the taste and texture, I think even they were MDF with a meatball veneer. I probably should have opted for the mushroom umlaut, but there you have it. However, having figured it might be silly to judge all Swedish food by Ikea meatballs and the sad little herrings in the refrigerated display, I think it

Taki

No joke | 2 December 2006

New York First it was Mel, as in Gibson, now it’s Michael, as in Richards. I’m sure none of you has ever heard of the latter, but he’s a big shot in America, especially among those with brains smaller than a pea. Richards played a character in Seinfeld, a programme about emptiness which is no longer on the air. I suppose celebrity is harder to give up than heroin because last week Richards used the N-word while doing a stand-up routine in a small Los Angeles club, calling two black guys who were heckling him ‘dirty n——s’. Well, he sure got back his celebrity in a hurry. Jesse Jackson and

The Spectator

Letters to the Editor | 2 December 2006

Readers respond to recent articles published  in The Spectator Security v. rights From the Attorney General Sir: Stuart Wheeler’s article (‘Why the Tories must say No to torture’, 25 November) includes a quote from me about deportation. Taken from a Human Rights Watch report, and by HRW from a BBC online summary of a radio interview, some bits have fallen off the quote along the way, and the end result is misleading. No one is advocating a free rein to deport where there are risks. What we are going to ask the European Court of Human Rights to look at is whether, when we are considering deporting terrorist suspects, we

Tamzin Lightwater

Diary of a Notting Hill nobody | 2 December 2006

Monday Trust Labour to go and apologise for the slave trade. The cheek of it! We played just as big a part, if not bigger, in the atrocities of Roots. It’s just as much ours to say sorry for, and Dave would have done it so much better. With real tears. Well, see if we care! Our man’s in Iraq sporting a flak jacket with panache and not looking like a constipated jellybaby — like certain people with clunking fists and the handwriting of a psychopath we could mention. It’s just so petty. No sooner do we announce that Churchill is ‘wholly inadequate’ (hello? statement of the obvious!) than Blair

Sheila Hancock

Diary – 2 December 2006

When, 50-odd years ago, I started in what was then known as the Business, later the Arts and more recently the Media, I was warned not to express opinions openly, for fear of alienating the Public. Added to that, my generation of little girls was told to be seen and not heard, and to do as our elders and betters, which included politicians, told us. They know best. Well, after a week of even more carnage in Iraq, I disobediently declare, ‘No, they don’t.’ This mere luvvie knew it was folly to try to impose a revolution on a country from outside, and force democracy on it. I knew it

Peter Jones

Ancient & Modern | 02 December 2006

Elephants have been characterised as highly sensitive, socially aware and intelligent because they have noticed in the mirror a white cross marked on their head. What a pathetic test! Jumbo can do far better than that. The ancients speculated whether animals knew God, had memory, foresight or emotion, could distinguish between the good and the bad, the just and the unjust, could be happy, were political, could count, knew shame and so on. In relation to elephants, however, the elder Pliny (killed in the eruption of Vesuvius ad 79) had no doubts. He summarises: ‘The elephant is the nearest to man in intelligence. It understands the language of its homeland,

Interconnect

Hey, sweetie

The author salutes the 1847 vintage of the legendary sweet wine from the Gironde, Château d’Yquem, a bottle of which recently became the most expensive wine ever sold in the United States and is now the most expensive white wine in the world The author salutes the 1847 vintage of the legendary sweet wine from the Gironde, Chateau d’Yquem, a bottle of which recently became the most expensive wine ever sold in the United States and is now the most expensive white wine in the world Yquem 1847. Attached to this fabled name and date is one of the most iconic events of the 19th century: how a Russian grand

Paul Johnson

When a leading statesman is also a model of decorum

Good manners are an outward sign of inward grace, a harbinger of nicely judged moral actions, warmly reflecting decency in thought. And by good manners I do not mean Osric-like flourishes or Chesterfield’s polished insincerity. Good manners involve taking trouble, a degree, however slight, of self-sacrifice and unselfishness. They are the trade goods of civilisation and, as Yeats observed, civilisation is an exercise in self-restraint. Lockwood wrote of Sir Walter Scott, ‘He was a gentleman even to his dogs.’ I have often puzzled over this remark, for it is sometimes difficult to be good-mannered to dogs, with their bottomless servility. Cats are a different matter, having a super-fine dignity which

Allister Heath

The world is richer and healthier

For billions of people around the world, these are the best of times to be alive. From Beijing to Bratislava, more of us are living longer, healthier and more comfortable lives than at any time in history; fewer of us are suffering from poverty, hunger or illiteracy. Pestilence, famine, death and even war, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, are in retreat, thanks to the liberating forces of capitalism and technology. If you believe that such apparently outlandish claims cannot possibly be true, think again. In a book which will trigger intense controversy when it is published later this month, the acclaimed American economist Indur Goklany, former US delegate to

Daniel Hannan

Ch

On Sunday, Venezuela goes to the polls. The likely triumph of Hugo Chávez, writes Daniel Hannan, reflects a phenomenon sweeping Latin America that feeds not on hope but on hatred There aren’t really any proper dictators left in South America, but Venezuela’s Hugo Chávez is getting close. His first attempt at power was through an old-fashioned putsch. When this failed, he tried the ballot box, winning a more or less free election in 1998. Once in office, he quickly set about undoing the democratic system that had got him there. Previously autonomous institutions — parliament, the judiciary, the Catholic Church, employers’ federations, trade unions — were subverted. Private firms were

Robin Lee-Navrozov

Zeffirelli: the Maestro of excess

The opening of the season at La Scala in Milan on 7 December is always a grand affair, and this year will be no exception. Franco Zeffirelli, 83 years old, is directing a new production of Aida, a work that has not been staged at this theatre for more than 20 years. It is noon when I arrive at La Scala to interview Zeffirelli, but inside the magnificent domed hall it seems like evening, and preparations are well under way for the big night. Round lights glow softly in the dainty red plush and gold-trimmed boxes, stacked like Christmas presents to a dizzying height. The splendid red velvet stage curtains

Celia Walden

Ségo and Dave: are they related?

The resemblance first struck me when, spotting Cameron’s waxy forehead on the front page of a newspaper recently, I unfolded the paper to find that the forehead belonged to French Socialist party candidate Ségolène Royal. It got me wondering whether similarities between the two extended beyond their oddly embalmed complexions. Politically, of course, they should be opposites, yet Royal has edged so far to the Right (to howls of protest from old French socialists) and Cameron so far to the Left (to equally noisy protests from Thatcherite Tories) that they seem destined to meet somewhere in the middle. Old socialists are appalled by 53-year-old ‘Ségo’ for adopting conservative policies to

Matthew Vincent

Think outside the jargon box

‘Dinosaurs … think inside the box. Dolphins … occupy the space outside the box. ‘Dinosaurs … think inside the box. Dolphins … occupy the space outside the box. The dinosaurs’ negative headset creates a lose-lose situation, whereas the dolphins’ can-do headset enables them to score a try!’ ‘Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario!’ Readers of the Financial Times, and viewers of The Office, will probably recognise these words of wisdom imparted by corporate thought-leader Martin Lukes and branch manager David Brent. But even if you’ve never encountered the fictional creations of, respectively, Lucy Kellaway and Ricky Gervais, you may well recognise their language from

Richard Northedge

The myth of affordable housing

The latest non-job in Britain’s town halls is the affordable housing officer The latest non-job in Britain’s town halls is the affordable housing officer, a bureaucrat with the brief of bringing down the price of property. What local and central government mean by ‘affordable housing’ is, of course, housing that is more affordable, but the fact is that all housing is affordable, otherwise it would not sell or let. Not all housing is affordable to everyone, however — but then it never was. Affordable housing (lack of) is nevertheless one of the causes of the day for the something-must-be-down-about-it campaigners. There is a National Affordable Housing Programme. A coalition of

John Andrews

The streets are alive with hip-hop — but there’s still plenty of gold beneath them

In the mountains south of Zurich, as winter approaches, the farmers bring their cows down. The snowbound higher pastures will soon be empty, and the precious cattle walk down in traditional processions, some decorated with small flowers, the streets of the villages echoing with the sound of the famous cowbells. It’s a time-honoured tradition, and no one is ancient enough to remember when it began. Switzerland, the world’s oldest democracy, has existed as a recognisable country for over 700 years, and that’s enough time to build up more than a few traditions. The Swiss value constancy, solidity, continuity; these are integral parts of their culture — the canvas on which

Simon Courtauld

Talking turkey

There won’t be any wild turkeys eaten in Britain this Christmas. There won’t be any wild turkeys eaten in Britain this Christmas. However, a few of these birds, which are indigenous to north and central America, are being reared in south-west England. It is possible that one or two dark-plumaged turkeys may be seen in flight over Salisbury Plain or the hills of Devon, though no one is yet treating them as game birds, which they are in the USA. In the eastern states, in Texas and New Mexico, the male birds are shot — when strutting about they have beautifully fanned tails — and no doubt their gamey taste

Jaspistos

Celebration

In Competition No. 2471 you were given two opening lines and invited to supply an appropriate song or lyric. No room for chitchat this week. Commendations go to W.J. Webster, Keith Norman and G.M. Davis. The prizewinners, printed below, get £25 each, and the bonus fiver lands in the lap of Brian Murdoch. Once I was only a wannabee,But now I’m a big celebrity,Because I’ve done realityOn Friday nights on the TV.Now although I’m only twenty-threeAnd I haven’t a single GCSE,I’m writing my autobiography(Well, somebody’s doing the words for me).It’s easy-peasy to get to beA really big celebrityAnd you don’t have to do much for your fee,You only have to

Frank Keating

Two-horse race

Football’s European Champions’ League awaits the serious new year stuff once a few loose ends are tied on Wednesday. Football’s European Champions’ League awaits the serious new year stuff once a few loose ends are tied on Wednesday. Arsenal and Manchester United each need only to draw, respectively against Porto and Benfica, and only abject pessimists in red shirts need fret — Arsenal beat Porto well enough at home in the qualifying game and although missing their totem, Henry, through suspension next week they have been showing an increasing zest in Europe; and United, of course, have not lost a Champions’ League group game at Old Trafford since 2001. In

Saturday

Jeremy Clarke

Out of this world

After chucking-out time a few of us went round to Trev’s to smoke crack through a water-pipe. Water-pipes can be tricky and when it was my go I sensibly asked for assistance. Step forward an unusually introspective Trev, who held the pipe for me and diligently put a flame over the drug, leaving me free to concentrate on drawing the smoke that accumulated above the waterline steadily into my lungs. Then I retired from the mouthpiece, taking my lungful of Class-A smoke with me, and went and sat down on the sofa beside the others, feeling immediately warm and open-hearted. At this point my phone rang. I fished it out

Tamzin Lightwater

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 25 November 2006

MONDAY Life is just one long crisis. Big row over what to take to Sudan in Lord A’s jet. I just thought that a few Harrods hampers thrown in with the medical supplies might cheer people up a bit, although possibly I shouldn’t have forked out for them myself on my account card. (Have given up on ever paying it off now, no matter what Gideon says.) Then had to sort out hacks who were bored and demanding more ‘access’ before trip had even started. Told them, you’re on the jet, only ten rows down from Dave, and we’ve put you in the next best hotel to ours. What more