DON'T PANIC! The enemy has anthrax, plague, botulism, poison gas, dirty bombs and ferries packed with TNT that make the Provisional IRA seem about as dangerous as Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells. But Mr Blair has announced that we should stay calm. Is he mad?
Last time, in 1997, I almost did panic. It was just after the weapons inspectors had unceremoniously left Iraq. The Daily Mail told us to expect hordes of Iraqi terrorists releasing anthrax from perfume bottles on the Underground.
Caught on camera at a Remembrance service last week, Queen Elizabeth appeared, rather unexpectedly, to be crying.
It was quite a shocking thing to behold: I had never seen our Queen cry before. Perhaps it was just the cold, dank weather getting to her, biting into her bones. Or maybe it was another of those confused and ill-advised attempts to be modern, something imposed upon her by her Blairite PR people.