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‘I wanted to buy it but then I realised we couldn’t afford it.’
‘I hope they don’t bring back natural selection.’
‘You promise you’ll vote for me, but how do I know you’re not lying?’
‘Wow! Your mum’s really into drugs!’
‘Now, what was it I came up here for?’
‘Oh there’s plenty of beds, but all our nurses have gone to work at Tesco.’
‘Don’t bother with the knives, they’re already out.’
‘I’ve updated my tablet.’
‘My husband’s disappointed. He didn’t realise this cruise was called Pilates of the Caribbean.’
‘Your father’s switching energy supplier again.’
‘This vaper’s incredibly realistic — it even gives you cancer.’
‘How romantic — a candlelit dinner for two.’
‘Contract… advance… film rights…’