‘And just before the dawn chorus you can sometimes hear chief executives waking, working out and chatting with their trainers.’
‘Oh, pretty quiet here. And you?’
‘He’s practising mindfulness or, as it used to be called, taking a nap.’
Newspaper picture editors get the exam-result photos they wanted
‘And for your information I don’t spend my days “just swanning around”.’
‘Looks like a terrorist plot, sir.’
‘If the wife rings, you haven’t seen me – right?’
‘The other robots don’t like you.’
‘Are we nearly there yet?’
‘Great, innit, being a sporting superpower?’
‘Theme? Sure we got a theme. It’s beer.’
‘When I suggested you write your dream bucket list, I hoped it would be a lot of foreign travel.’
‘Kids blow up very early these days.’
‘I wonder if the same technology could be used for the Labour party?’
‘And then I met a dyslexic tattooist.’
‘Fair’s fair – they get the minimum wage, we get the max.’
‘That’s all the sport for now — time to catch up on the news.’
‘I wanted to climb up the spout but the Labour party’s up there.’
‘I guess, when this was built, that was gender-specific enough.’