Hello Vape Crisis Centre
‘Hello — vape-crisis centre?’

‘Hello — vape-crisis centre?’
‘I can’t find the chapter on WMDs.’
‘It’d be really useful to still have some journalists right now.’
‘It’s come to our attention that you’re not a mother…’
‘I’m off school – my teacher’s taking her holidays this term.’
‘I’m not on the train.’
‘It’s from Samantha Cameron’s new fashion range.’
‘It’s like the EU — leaving isn’t easy.’
‘It’s lucky he was born here — under the points system they wouldn’t let him in.’
‘Leave them alone and they’ll come home.’
‘Aw, you’re so sweet.’
‘It’s the new troubleshooter. He shot the whistleblower.’
‘…and I’ll tell you who else keeps calling me a dreadful gossip…’
‘The only survivors will be cockroaches and Jeremy Corbyn.’
‘I like to think he chose me because of my markings.’
‘Actually, I’m a huge fan of Nicola Sturgeon’s.’