Election 4
‘I guess you know why I’m here?’
‘I guess you know why I’m here?’
‘I don’t mind a bit of role-play, but I absolutely refuse to dress up as Nicola Sturgeon.’
‘What are the kids up to? I can’t find them on here anywhere…’
‘We’re just practising.’
‘Some politician, dog bit him while canvassing… make sure he waits at least five hours.’
‘Oh God, it’s that luvvie again.’
‘I can’t decide — these pencils are all as stubby as each other.’
‘…and we believe that each of us has an angel that looks after us.’
‘My son? Oh, I’m afraid he’s no longer with us.’
‘You can have one of my kitchens!’
‘It’ll never last.’
‘I say, didn’t you used to be A.P. McCoy?’
‘It’s how my beautiful assistant would have wanted it.’
‘I preferred him when he just had a hammer.’
‘The gods are unfriending us on Facebook tonight.’
‘No, it’s neck and neck. These are the spoilt ballots.’
‘Couldn’t you just have said, “Sorry, mate, was that your pint? Here, let me get you another one.”?’