10 phrases to banish for good after coronavirus

1. Flattening the curve No, it’s not some sort of fat-burning home workout (though these have become extremely popular since the quarantine hit). Rather, this is about slowing the spread to reduce the burden on our NHS. A flatter infection curve will save the health service from ruin and mean that, when this thing finally tails off, we can all go out to the pub again and stop worrying about our curves for good. Mine’s a pork pie and a pint. 2. The Wuhan Shake Designed to minimise hand-to-hand contact, these dreadfully awkward gestures have been adopted in business meetings the world over. From serious-looking politicians to sports stars and

10 easy steps to becoming a New Progressive

How did we arrive in this new golden era? We have advanced, become more open-minded, more accepting and more considerate. On the whole, people are treated as equals, regardless of gender, race or sexuality. We cherish our freedom. We like to be treated, and treat others, as individuals. However, you must understand the world from the perspective of a New Progressive. Start by recognising that older people, like yourself, are motivated by selfishness and prejudice. You fail to notice injustice and ignore new ‘oppressions’ which are discovered daily. The old ways are crumbling. You must learn a new language, expected behaviours and ways of thinking. From now on, consider everyone