Football

Rio’s choc-ice

I shall be ringing the Crown Prosecution Service later today to insist that they bring a prosecution against the footballer Rio Ferdinand for having concurred with a tweeted suggestion that his colleague Ashley Cole was a ‘choc ice’. The term is deeply racist and offensive, given to mean that the person is black on the outside and white on the inside. Similar terms are, I believe, Oreo and coconut. Rio, perhaps realizing his transgression, has since insisted that he meant that Ashley was a ‘fake’; but I think we should let the courts decide that one, shouldn’t we? I can’t see any semantic link between choc ice and fake, unless

The Summer of the PIGS

Suddenly, unexpectedly, this is becoming the Summer of the PIGS. The balance of power inside the EU has shifted with Francois Hollande’s election victory. Now the bone idle and impecunious southern nations – Portugal, Italy, Greece and Spain – are being spared the German hairshirt and workhouse treatment. Instead, the new mantra seems to be that if we all hold hands tightly and close our eyes, everything will be all right. They like that MUCH better, the Pigs. And the European Championship final will be contested between two Pigs, Spain and Italy – when everyone, especially the Germans, expected the Germans to breeze through and win the thing. Germany’s best

Beckham’s Olympic mission ends in omission

I’ve always rather taken the George Best line on David Beckham’s footballing abilities:  ‘He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn’t score many goals. Apart from that he’s all right.’ But you have to say nonetheless – Beckham’s a thoroughly likeable and decent bloke and I wish, after all the work he’s put in, he’d been awarded a place in the British Olympic © football team. The England coach Stuart Pearce seems to be under the profoundly mistaken illusion that anyone in the country gives a monkey’s about our Olympic football team. We’ve had enough of the hubris of football,

Something of which to be proud

Past experience demonstrates that Rangers supporters won’t find anything funny about this: As I say, Rangers fans are immune, even at this late stage, to even gallows’ humour. Everyone else? Well, not so much. After all: If this – and sending Rangers into the stygian depths of Scottish football – constitutes success in the corporate restructuring world one scarcely dares contemplate the horrors of failure. [Thanks to JPT]

England did not deserve to win

If England had won that penalty shoot out against Italy it would have been a travesty. The press has been very kind to the national team this morning, partly because — as we kept being told — ‘expectations were low’ and partly because everyone still likes (with some justification) Roy Hodgson. But from the middle of the first half onwards, England performed as poorly as I have ever seen them, and it wasn’t simply down to the might of the opposition. Indeed, the Italian defence is ponderous and porous, as we shall see when they play a team which dares, from time to time, to attack. England’s problems were partly

They Don’t Do Paying Their Way

It’s Friday afternoon and even Rangers fans might have to laugh at this: There have been numerous [football computer] games throughout the history of the genre which have fallen by the wayside: Sierra’s Ultimate Soccer Manager, Elite’s Complete Onside Soccer and… Ally McCoist’s Director of Football. Released in 2001, the game allows you to manage some of the less glamorous sides of the game, including the expansion of your stadium, negotiating contracts and finding sponsorship. If you ever wanted to be part of the decision making process on the number of car parking spaces by your stadium, you genuinely can in this simulation. However, given the current state of Rangers,

Scottish Sectarianism: No Evidence Required for a Conviction

The question to be asked of the Offensive Behaviour at Football and Threatening Communication (Scotland) Act 2012 is whether it is iniquitous, merely pointless or, perhaps paradoxically, both. I vote for both. Here’s why: Two Hibernian fans caught chanting offensive songs on the train back from a cup quarter-final have become the first people convicted under controversial new anti-bigotry laws. […] The pair were travelling home after watching Hibs beat Ayr United on Saturday, to progress to the Scottish Cup semi-finals*, when the incident happened. They had boarded the 6:13pm train from Ayr to Glasgow Central when they were seen by British Transport Police officers chanting and singing songs that

The triumph of failure

In l958, my hero in life, the person I most wanted to be, was Keith Dewhurst. I had arrived on the Manchester Evening Chronicle straight from Durham as a graduate trainee reporter, which was a laugh, as they did no training. Keith was the paper’s Manchester United reporter, knew all the players, went to all the games, and he wore a white raincoat with the collar turned up. Rapture. I don’t think I exchanged more than a few words with him, just ogled his raincoat from afar. Have never met him since. If I were to, I am sure he would deny he ever wore a white raincoat. It was

Up with the IRA and Down with the Pope of Rome

Joan McAlpine’s column in the Scotsman this week is uncharacteristically unpersuasive. Since she decided to defend the SNP’s plans for so-called anti-sectarian legislation she was backing a losing horse from the start. Still, it speaks well of her loyalty. Nevertheless, her piece is useful since, in large part, it outlines a kind of consensus that is deemed to exist and from which it is unwise to deviate. Certainly it is hard to think of many opposition politicians who have distinguished themselves in this affair. Even those who question the SNP’s plans do so on grounds of efficiency, not ethics or principle. If the government’s plans are woeful; the opposition remains

Ibrox: A Broader Church Than You Might Think

This case looks as though it belongs in some Chris Morris show or something: A Muslim Rangers supporter who chanted sectarian remarks at a game at Ibrox Stadium has been fined £600. Abdul Rafiq, 41, the only Muslim member of the English Defence League, was arrested at Rangers friendly game with Chelsea on 6 August. […] Fiscal depute Seana Doherty, prosecuting said: “The accused was standing in the Govan front stand wearing a flag around his shoulders bearing the Red Hand of Ulster logo. “He was wearing an umbrella stand hat which was red white and blue and also had the Red Hand of Ulster logo on it, and carrying

The Great Poppy War of 2011

Galling as it may be to admit this, it is possible that in the Great Poppy Stramash of 2011 FIFA is right and the Football Association is wrong. Perhaps that puts it too strongly. Let me put it this way: were I in charge of FIFA, I’d make an exception to their general prohibition on “political statements and symbols” to allow England to adorn their shirts with poppies for their friendly match against Spain this weekend. But were I running the FA I’d respond to FIFA’s silly reluctance to make any such exception by saying “Well, we think this unfortunate but there it is. Let’s get on with the game.”

Stephen Birrell’s Conviction Shames Scotland

Sectarianism, we are often told, is “Scotland’s Shame” though there’s also ample evidence it’s actually “Scotland’s Pleasure”. For some at least. The prosecution and conviction of Stephen Birrell for comments he posted on a Facebook page entitled “Neil Lennon should be Banned” marks a new low. Not because of anything Mr Birrell wrote – his fevered outpourings being merely the ravings of a disturbed mind – but because Scotland now imprisons people for the crime of disliking other people and making that dislike apparent in any kind of public forum. This is a shameful moment that demeans the country far more plainly than anything said, sung or written at or

Dept of It’s Always the Jews: FIFA Edition

Yikes: Former FIFA vice-president Jack Warner has blamed Zionism for the circumstances that led to him and former Asian Football Confederation chief Mohammed Bin Hammam being forced out of world football. Warner, 68, resigned from FIFA after ethics investigations were begun into a meeting he held with Bin Hammam where FIFA say payments were made to Caribbean football officials ahead of the election for FIFA president in June. Qatari Bin Hammam was handed a lifetime ban by FIFA for his role in the affair while a number of Caribbean officials were given suspensions last week. Bin Hammam was not immediately available for comment. Trinadadian Warner says in a letter to

Arsenal Behaving Badly: Fancy That!

As world-class moaners it’s not a surprise that Arsenal football club behave in this fashion but it’s depressing to see their groundless whingeing tolerated by a judge, even a Spanish judge: The Gunners have won their case against Seville resident Alicia Simon, who has now been told by the Spanish Patent and Trademark Office to change the name of her hat shop ‘Arsenale’. Simon registered the name of her shop before she even opened it in 2007 despite protestations from the club, but Arsenal’s lawyers have been petitioning the Spanish authorities ever since, trying to convince them that she has infringed their trademark. The stunned shopkeeper, who admits to having

Revealed: Essays of a tyrant’s son

Tripoli Someone somewhere must have decided it was worth keeping. Like many parents around the world, Colonel and Mrs Gaddafi were probably terribly proud of their child’s progress at school. But you can’t take everything with you when the mob is storming the barricades. So there it was strewn on a patch of sun-parched lawn, next to a bizarre take on a Swiss chalet. For your average Tripoline indulging in some light pilfering of the abandoned Bab al-Aziziya compound, it wouldn’t have been worth a second look. For anyone hunting down incriminating intelligence files linking the UK to torture in Libya, it wouldn’t have been up to much, either. But

Annals of Legal Affairs; Not Proven Edition

Anent legal affairs in Auld Reekie, there’s a stushie brewing about the acquittal of the Hearts fan accused of assaulting Celtic manager Neil Lennon in a notorious and passably disgraceful incident at Tynecastle last season. The jury – seven women, eight men – deliberated for nearly three hours before returning a Not Proven verdict on the charge of Assault, Aggravated by Religious Prejudice. On a seperate charge, the jury found John Wilson guilty of a breach of the peace. Given that the episode took place on national television and Mr Wilson clearly seemed intent upon attacking Mr Lennon the verdict has, predictably, been met with equal parts derision, disbelief and

Alex Salmond Retreats to Sanity

Sometimes changing course is the prudent option. The SNP’s grim plans for their Offensive Behaviour at Football and Threatening Communications Bill have been put on hold for the next six months. The government still wishes to legislate on this matter by the end of the year but at least we are saved the unseemly scramble to rush this rotten bill through Holyrood before the next season begins – god help us – next month. For that recognition alone Salmond deserves some credit even if he’d have more left in the bank had he never embarked upon this reckless enterprise in the first place. Doubtless this will be spun as the

A Bill That Shames Scotland

Here’s a clue for politicians: when you’re asked if you’ve just criminalised the national anthem and all you can do is say “Er, maybe, it all kinda depends on the circumstances” the chances are you’ve produced a bill that tests even the patient, hard-to-exhaust, limits of parliamentary absurdity and you should probably put it through the shredder and start again. If, that is, you should even be legislating in these matters at all. We do things differently in Scotia New and Braw, don’t you know? So today the Scottish Parliament’s Justice Committee took evidence on the government’s planned and loopy and shameful and illiberal Offensive Behaviour at Football and Threatening

Does the trouble at FIFA really matter?

The news that the votes which ended up with Russia and Qatar winning the rights to host the 2018 and 2022 World Cups might not have been model, clean elections is about as surprising as the news that the faeces discovered in the woods are believed to be of ursine origin. In the Independent today, Dominic Lawson cuts through the seemingly continuous media coverage of the matter to the question of whether it actually matters: “More to the point, given that there are no objective economic benefits to the nations holding such competitions (whatever the kudos to local political dignitaries such as Boris Johnson) shouldn’t we as taxpayers feel grateful

Thought Crime in the Brave New Scotland

It cannot be said that Alex Salmond’s ministry is off to a good legislative start. Not when its immediate aim is, apparently, to rush through ill-considered, illiberal, speech-curbing legislation that asks the public not to worry about the detail and trust that the legal authorities will not actually enforce either the letter or the spirit of the Offensive Behaviour in Football and Threatening Communications (Scotland) Bill. According to Salmond: “I am determined that the authorities have the powers they need to clamp down effectively on bigotry peddled online. The Internet is a force for good in so many ways – but it can also be abused by those who seek to spread hatred. That’s