Bernie

‘Still no sign of a ceasefire.’

‘Goodness, I remember when you were just carefully targeted airstrikes.’

‘Well, it won’t be the glow of a warm fire.’

‘I’m drinking to remember.’

‘I can’t get a dentist, but then again, what is there to smile about?’

‘Oh dear. I was hoping our fuel allowance would pay for our Oasis tickets.’

‘Thank heavens for the right to switch off.’

‘When the turbine is rotating it means the King is in residence.’

‘Actually, we’re Van Gogh supporters.’

‘Disappointing summer, isn’t it?’

‘I’m sorry Rishi, but the “ex-Tory prime minister after-dinner speech” market is saturated.’

‘What do you mean you don’t want kids?’

‘I didn’t realise it was dress down Friday.’

‘A donation of just £50 will buy a child a Sky dish.’

‘Trust me, it’s making a comeback.’

‘You don’t often see one of those in Scotland.’

‘She’s like Liz Truss in reverse.’

‘Sending them to Scotland would be a deterrent.’