Christmas is over and I’m introducing new restrictions
‘Christmas is over and I’m introducing new restrictions.’
Bernie
Thursday
You can put that party hat away
‘You can put that party hat away, it’s time for the cricket.’
Thursday
We all have to learn to rely less on coal
‘Sorry, but we all have to learn to rely less on coal.’
I am the ghost of variants yet to come
‘I am the ghost of variants yet to come.’
Thursday
I don’t understand the science
‘I don’t understand the science, but apparently it’s safe to snog if you’re not under the mistletoe.’
It’s a response to our SOS
‘It’s a response to our SOS — they want it in a different form.’
Thursday
How worried should we be
‘How worried should we be about running out of Greek letters?’
Thursday
I can remember
‘I can remember when all this was crisps.’
Thursday
Water it down
‘Santa won’t agree to this unless you water it down.’
Childhood obesity clinic
‘I don’t know why he’s so fat, he only eats the same as us.’
Thursday
This is heaven
‘This is heaven!’
It’s one rule for them
‘It’s one rule for them and another rule for us.’
Thursday
Rip this lot out and put in a heat pump
‘I thought we could rip this lot out and put in a heat pump.’
Thursday
We’ll move more quickly in the next pandemic
‘Rest assured, we’ll move more quickly in the next pandemic.’
Cut down on meat
You can stop wearing a mask now
‘You can stop wearing a mask now.’
Thursday
Urgently curating
‘I am not panic buying. I am urgently curating.’
Thursday
Let’s start a rumour
‘Let’s start a rumour that there’s going to be a shortage!’
