Lucy Vickery

On the house

In Competition No. 3017 you were invited to submit a sonnet containing household tips.   You were on sparkling form this week and there were plenty of stylish, inventive entries to choose from. I was riveted by your recommendations and hope to put them to the test, though I might just take John Whitworth’s word

Diary stories | 21 September 2017

In Competition No. 3016 you were invited to submit an extract from the diary of the spouse of a high-profile political figure, living or dead.   It was a neat idea on the part of David Silverman to imagine Calpurnia’s journal in the style of Bridget Jones’s Diary, but hard to match the genius of

Spectator competition winners: Big Ben’s bongs

For the latest competition you were asked to compose poems about Big Ben’s bongs. The decision to remove the 13-tonne bell during the four-year restoration works on Elizabeth Tower has caused a right old ding-dong, with senior ministers, including the PM, joining the fray. There were lots of entries about health and safety gone mad,

Watching the clock

In Competition No. 3015 you were invited to submit a poem about Big Ben’s bongs.   The decision to remove the 13-tonne bell during the four-year restoration works on Elizabeth Tower has caused a right old ding-dong, with senior ministers, including the PM, joining the fray.   There were lots of poems about health and

From me to you

In Competition No. 3014 you were invited to submit a love poem written by one contemporary politician to another.   Virginia Price Evans, writing on behalf of Jeremy Corbyn, channelled Betjeman in a bid to woo the PM: ‘Theresa M May, Theresa M May, I sigh and I die for our special day…’. Frank Upton’s

Spectator competition winners: is August the cruellest month?

The latest competition invited poems in praise or dispraise of August. There was a whiff of collusion about the entry this week, so many references were there to rubbish television, rubbish weather, fractious kiddies, tired gardens, traffic jams; as Katie Mallett puts it: ‘A turgid time of torpor and delay.’ But there were some sparkling,

Flavour of the month

In Competition No. 3013 you were invited to submit a poem in praise or dispraise of August.   There was a whiff of collusion about the entry this week, so many references were there to rubbish television, rubbish weather, fractious kiddies, tired gardens, traffic jams; as Katie Mallett puts it: ‘A turgid time of torpor

Reprogramming

In Competition No. 3012 you were invited to change a letter in the title of a well-known play and submit a programme note for the new production.   Thanks to Steven Joseph, who suggested this excellent competition topic. David Silverman’s Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Deaf started well but ran out of steam halfway through. Other

Bowing and scraping

In Competition No. 3011 you were invited to submit a disgustingly flattering poem in heroic couplets in praise of a contemporary person of power. You were at your bootlicking best this week: Donald Trump, Anthony Scaramucci, Xi Jinping, Emmanuel Macron and Vladimir Putin were all on the receiving end of some serious sucking-up. Bill Greenwell’s

Monster mash-up

In Competition No. 3010, a nod to the late, great George Romero, you were invited to provide an extract from a mash-up of a literary classic of your choice and horror fiction.   Nathan Weston’s Werewolf Hall, Brian Murdoch’s The Gruffalo in Transylvania, Bill Greenwell’s Three Men and a Zombie and Nicholas MacKinnon’s The Nightmare

Spectator competition winners: Ode on a potato peeler

The idea for the latest challenge, to submit a poem about a domestic object, came to me when reading about an exhibition at the University of Hull (until 1 October) of Philip Larkin’s personal possessions. Alongside books, records, a pair of knickers and a figurine of Hitler is the lawnmower that inspired the poem ‘The

Quotidian

In Competition No. 3009 you were invited to submit a poem about a domestic object.   I set this challenge with Philip Larkin’s ‘The Mower’ in mind, which he wrote in the summer of 1979 after inadvertently killing a hedgehog while cutting the grass. According to Betty Mackereth, Larkin’s secretary and onetime lover, he told

New beginnings

In Competition No. 3008 you were invited to take the last line of a well-known novel and make it the first line of a short story written in the style of the author in question.   There’s room only for me to lament the lack of space for more winners; the judging process was especially

Cat call (no. 3007)

In Competition No. 3007 you were invited to submit a poem about Larry, the Downing Street cat. Larry came to No. 10 in 2011 from Battersea Dogs & Cats Home during David Cameron’s premiership. He was left behind when the family moved on, though Mr Cameron denied that this was because he hated cats. Although