Paul Wood

‘Lucky sods!’

‘Waiter, there’s a Van Gogh in my soup.’

‘Oh, I’m just at home trying to save energy.’

‘Have you tried asking Elon Musk?’

‘You do realise that’s a watercolour.’

‘Have you tried eating more protein? It will make you feel fuller for longer.’

‘Yeah, yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’

‘Any chance of a first opinion?’

‘Chickenpox was last week. This is the monkeypox party.’

‘Go home Picasso. You’ve had enough.’

‘S’funny, it sounds like a turtle suffocating on plastic.’

‘But I’m not working from home. I’m working from my second home.’

‘Do you think Starmer will ever identify as the opposition?’