Hello and welcome to the 77th annual Golden Globe Awards, live from the Beverly Hilton Hotel here in Los Angeles. I'm Ricky Gervais. Thank you.
You'll be pleased to know this is the last time I'm hosting these awards, so I don't care anymore. I'm joking: I never did. NBC clearly don't care either – fifth time. I mean, Kevin Hart was fired from the Oscars because of some offensive tweets. Hello [pointing at himself].
Lucky for me, the Hollywood foreign press can barely speak English and they have no idea what Twitter is. I got offered this gig by fax. So let's go out with a bang. Let's have a laugh at your expense, shall we? Remember, they're just jokes. We're all gonna die soon and there's no sequel, so remember that.