Susanna Gross | The Spectator columnists & writers

Bridge | 18 September 2021

‘Table presence’ is a funny old expression in bridge. You might think it means what it would in any other context — that someone’s presence can be felt; that they command respect or dominate the table. In fact, it means something else altogether: you may be quiet and meek as a mouse, but if you are busy watching your opponents and gathering information from their behaviour, you have table presence. Artur Malinowski, the manager of TGR’s, is someone who has it to a frightening degree. When he’s your opponent, it’s not your cards you need to keep close to your chest, it’s your very thoughts. This hand is from the recent Crockford’s final. North’s 2NT showed both minors. 3♥ asked: 4♥ showed 6–5 and a void. West led the ♠2 (playing 3/5th leads) and Artur (South) captured East’s ♠J with his ♠Q.

Bridge | 4 September 2021

It’s not often that bridge makes headlines, but last week something extraordinary happened. At the online European Qualifier for the 2022 bridge world championships, Italy was boycotted by every other nation. The boycott stemmed from their decision to include Fulvio Fantoni in their team. He and his former partner, Claudio Nunes, were once ranked No. 1 and 2 in the world. But they were found guilty of cheating at the 2014 European Championships by exchanging information through the positioning of their cards, and banned from playing. They later appealed to the Court of Arbitration in Sport, which ruled that the case was not ‘proven’, and the ban was lifted. However, no one in the bridge world doubted their guilt — nor that they had been cheating for years.

Bridge | 21 August 2021

Live bridge is back. It kicked off two weekends ago with Eastbourne’s Swiss Pairs. I went with my friend Ollie Burgess, and although numbers were down, things were as they’d always been: the same familiar faces and scarcely a face mask in sight. But after competing online for so long, it felt strange — like appearing in a documentary about how bridge used to be played in the past, with bidding boxes, Bridgemates and duplicate boards that we slid across the floor to the next table once we’d finished with them. Soon enough, though, the sensation of real cards in our hands began to feel not just normal but pretty wonderful. So did the banter and laughter at the table, and being able to discuss hands between rounds with fellow players, including superstars like Andrew Robson.

Bridge | 7 August 2021

To be a killer bridge player, you need to be aggressive. Many of us are hampered by timidity, especially when it comes to making penalty doubles. All too often, we ignore our instinct to reach for the red card: we dwell on how foolish we’ll look if we’re wrong, and how cross our partner will be. But as Zia Mahmood says: ‘If every contract you double goes down, you’re not doubling enough.’ Zia routinely doubles auctions where the opponents have bid hesitatingly to game. As he sees it, if they’ve both limited their hands, you’re in with a good chance. Moreover, by upping the ante, the added pressure on declarer may cloud his thinking. This hand from a recent rubber bridge game seems to prove his point. West made a crazy gambling double (had he been drinking?), but it did manage to completely stupefy South, who is normally an excellent declarer: West led the ♥6.

Bridge | 24 July 2021

Bridge is a game you can never fully master, which is why it’s so endlessly stimulating. No sooner have you puffed your way up one learning curve than another beckons, harder than the last. Over the past two decades (and more), I’ve read countless bridge books and strived to sharpen my game by every means possible. Like most of us, I’m still far short of where I want to be. Yet it’s only in the past few years that I’ve realised that what matters most — at an advanced level — is not cardplay or defence. No, watch the stars and you’ll soon see: championships are won or lost in the bidding. I’d even say it might be the hardest part of the game — a constant test of your judgment. No amount of practice can prepare you for every type of hand or ensure that you and your partner are always on the same wavelength.

Bridge | 10 July 2021

Top bridge players have a spooky ability to recall thousands of hands, often from many years back. With so many cards stored in their hard drive, perhaps it’s not surprising how forgetful they can be in other areas. I once had dinner with the great Bob Hamman, and after discussing some of his recent bridge hands — he had perfect recall, of course — I asked if I could test his memory for the more personal events in his life. He happily played along. It was even worse than I’d suspected: he struggled to remember the year of his marriage, how he proposed, or where he was when his first child was born — until he suddenly exclaimed, ‘Oh yes! I was in my club. I held the ace of spades, five small hearts…’ I was reminded of this when I saw Gunnar Hallberg recently, and he mentioned that the last time we’d played rubber bridge — this was before the first lockdown — my partner had missed a neat defence.

Bridge | 26 June 2021

On the whole, I’ve enjoyed playing bridge from the comfort of home during lockdown. One regrettable outcome, however, is that I’ve taken up smoking again. Cards and cigarettes just go too well together. Back in the days before smoking was banned indoors, we puffed away so much at TGR’s rubber bridge club that I couldn’t go on anywhere without washing my hair and clothes first —no perfume was strong enough. Even among tournament players, smoking seemed to be encouraged. The England player Patrick Collins told me that he took up smoking in 1970 when first prize in the Torquay Congress was 200 Benson & Hedges. Bridge has so many tense moments that despite having given up for a decade, I instinctively found myself reaching for a cigarette while playing online, and the habit crept back.

Bridge | 12 June 2021

I would never say that bridge is just a game — for many of us, it’s a lifetime’s vocation. However, some players heap too much pressure on themselves; they fret if they’ve had a disturbed night’s sleep or feel a slight sniffle coming on — anything that might impair their focus. They practise breathing techniques, insist on absolute silence at the table, and castigate themselves for the smallest mistake. The effect is often counter-productive; they’d probably do better if they simply lightened up. Someone firmly of this view is the manager of TGR’s rubber bridge club, Artur Malinowski. Whenever his customers are fraught or playing badly, his solution is to offer them a tipple — whatever the time of day, and however high the stakes.

Bridge | 29 May 2021

One of the pleasures of kibitzing online tournaments is that when an intriguing hand comes up, you can flick back and forth to see how different players tackle it. I’m drawn in particular to players whose boldness and imagination always make them highly entertaining to watch — two of whom are Artur Malinowksi and Steve Root. On this deal from last week’s OCBL May Cup, neither of them disappointed. Starting with Steve, who was North. West, Gunnar Hallberg, opened a strong 2♣. East’s 2◆ was a relay, and 3♥ was natural. What lead do you think Steve led against 3NT? You got it — the ♥4! South’s ♥10 won, and back came a heart — one down. Outlandish as it looks, it was a sensational lead — East was likely to have at least five hearts (with four small ones he may not have bid them), and Gunnar obviously held long diamonds.

Bridge | 15 May 2021

I’m not surprised so many scientific studies have shown that bridge staves off dementia: the game provides a constant workout for the memory. It usually takes people years before they can recall how many cards have been played in each suit — and not just how many, but which ones. Honours are easier to keep track of, but the smaller spot cards can be devilishly hard to remember, unless you have a photographic memory. Failing to notice even the most insignificant-looking card can prove costly later on. Playing in a recent Andrew Robson Club duplicate, England international Nevena Senior showed how just vital it is to keep your eyes sharp (she was West). North led the ♥4 to South’s ♥K and Nevena’s ♥A. Nevena played a club to dummy’s ♣K, and one back to her ♣J.

Bridge | 1 May 2021

It was great to see an England team win the hotly contested World Bridge Tour ‘Survivor Cup’ recently. Many congratulations to Tim Leslie, Ollie Burgess, Michael Byrne, Kieran Dyke, Ben Norton and Mike Bell. Of course at that level, it’s not enough to play well — you also need flair. My friend Mike Bell is one of those players whose imagination is always at work. You might not guess it: he seems unshowy, methodical and down-to-earth (apart from his eccentric refusal to wear a jumper or coat whatever the weather). But down the years I’ve often been dazzled by his ability to visualise his opponents’ cards and entice them down the wrong path. Take his defence on this hand (he was North). South led the ♣J to Mike’s ♣A.

Bridge | 17 April 2021

I sometimes get far too intense when I’m playing bridge online. Holed up in my study at home, wearing noise-cancelling headphones, I forbid my children from interrupting and bark angrily if they do. When things go well, I’m elated, but when I make a blunder or suffer bad luck, I feel genuine angst. The other evening, my 13-year-old daughter Milly wandered into my bedroom as I was kibitzing a game. She snuggled up to me for a while and then, assuming I was playing rather than watching, exclaimed: ‘Mum, no offence, but you should play in your pyjamas in bed more often — you’re much more relaxed and always know exactly what to do.’ Kibitzing involves all the fun and none of the pressure — but it’s not true that I always know exactly what to do.

Bridge | 3 April 2021

These days, most tournaments take place either on Bridge Base Online or Realbridge. I far prefer BBO for one reason: privacy. By contrast, Realbridge uses cameras and microphones — meaning you can’t play in your pyjamas, let anyone wander into the room, or shout at the screen when annoyed. Just as bad, you see far more of your opponents than you might want. Recently, I played against a man who was busy chomping on a hamburger, giving us a gory close-up of the inside of his mouth; then there was the woman who must have forgotten her camera was still on between rounds, and gave her a nose a thorough picking. Anyway, I was relieved to be playing on BBO last week in the international Monthly Mixed Teams. I was on Jonathan Harris’s team, which is always fun: Jonathan is a wonderfully supportive captain, and Steve Root, my partner, makes everyone laugh with his witticisms.

Bridge | 20 March 2021

If anyone is going to cause me agonies at the bridge table in front of 800 kibitzers by subjecting me to a rare trump squeeze, I’d rather it was a superstar of the game. Alfredo Versace, linchpin of the Italian team for 20 years, is a multiple European and world champion. Last Thursday, my partner Peter Taylor and I found ourselves battling against him in the semi-finals of an international mixed teams tournament. Our teammates — Catherine Draper and Andrew Woodcock, David Gold and Catherine Seale — had played superbly all week, and we didn’t want to let them down. Then came this hand: West’s 2NT was Jacoby; the rest were cue-bids. Sitting South, I led a heart, partner’s suit. Versace (East) ruffed in hand, then played trumps.

Bridge | 06 March 2021

This is a great time to be a young bridge player. When I took up the game in my twenties, it was decidedly uncool. It was poker’s fuddy-duddy older cousin. But, these days, tournaments are packed with glamorous youngsters having the time of their lives —none more so than the junior squads travelling the world representing their countries. This transformation is largely due to a concerted push by the international bridge community to encourage young talent. No organisation has been more energetic than our own English Bridge Union. And things are looking even brighter now that Claire Robinson has been appointed the new junior liaison officer. One of her first initiatives was a ‘Play with the Experts’ online pairs tournament for our youngest squad, the under-16s.

Bridge | 20 February 2021

In general, I don’t like to play bridge just for fun: I prefer the cut-throat atmosphere of a tournament, or the adrenaline rush of high-stake rubber. But a couple of times a year I meet up with old friends at the card table: there’s lots of banter, too much wine, and the bridge gets sillier as the night wears on. I’ve been sorely missing these evenings, and fondly remembering our three rules: to play quickly, avoid lengthy post-mortems, and abide by ‘Zia’s Law’. This is based on a tip Zia Mahmood gave me long ago. It was obviously a joke, but he swore it worked miracles. It goes like this: if your partner is dealer and there are two passes to you, you should open a spade without looking at your hand. It turns out to be amazingly effective — your opponents seldom know what to do.

Bridge | 6 February 2021

The American professor Martin Seligman is one of the most influential psychologists in the world. Known as the father of ‘positive psychology’, he has written numerous bestselling books on the power of optimism, arguing it’s something that can be learned, can cure depression, boost your immune system, and help you reach your goals. Seligman is also a well-known bridge player. His success at the table is down to two guiding philosophies: first, the importance of hiring professionals to keep improving — he’s not super-wealthy, but, as he says, ‘being a client costs me about as much as others spend on their clothes (I spend almost zero on clothes).’ The second, you’ll have guessed, is to have an attitude of positivity.

Bridge | 23 January 2021

When lockdown began, all those months ago, I remember chatting to a few of England’s top players about the shift to online bridge. They were dubious, to say the least. They didn’t really enjoy it; nor did they think they were much good at it. Other experts shared their concerns. The inferences and clues they picked up face-to-face — their ‘table presence’ — were such a big part of their game; how could online bridge be anything but a pale imitation of the real thing? Roll on a year, and their fears have largely been allayed. The great players have found their form. They can still ‘read’ their opponents and get a feel for the cards; they can be as dazzling onscreen as they are in the flesh. This hand, played by the young American Adam Grossack in a recent ‘Alt’ invitational tournament, is an example of online prowess at its best.

Bridge | 9 January 2021

It’s so much easier to play bridge well when luck is on your side. You’ve just doubled your opponents and collected a huge penalty, or made a grand slam on a finesse — and suddenly you start playing like Helgemo, with sharpened wits and perfect judgment. Luck breeds luck, and you don’t have to be a neuroscientist to figure it out: the brain works significantly better when you’re feeling positive. The converse is also true, of course. Once you’ve had some bad luck or made a silly mistake, everything starts going downhill. Why? Because being demoralised impairs your memory and decision-making skills. The great challenge is to stay positive whatever happens — and that is the mindset of all top players. They approach every hand not with lowered spirits but single-minded determination — even when prospects look dire.

Bridge | 12 December 2020

It’s surprising how quickly we adapt to things: nine months ago, most of us had never played bridge online before, yet it feels almost normal now. One slightly surreal side-effect is the way an older generation of players have begun using text-acronyms with the gusto of teenagers: TY, SY, NP and, if anything remotely funny happens, it’s LOL every time. Actually, some acronyms took me a while to get used to. In my very first online game, my partner typed ‘GLP’ as I was about to play a doubled contract; puzzled, I concluded it was short for gulp. I was slightly insulted that he kept typing ‘gulp’ whenever I was about to play — until the penny dropped; he was wishing me luck. I’d been thrown by the quaint formality of adding P for partner.

Bridge | 28 November 2020

Each November, Paula Leslie organises the Young Chelsea Women’s Teams — a fantastic event, attracting many of Europe’s best players to London. It was a shame it had to be held online this year — but I must say there was something rather magical about competing on ‘Realbridge’ with video streaming and sound. How extraordinary to be playing against women from a range of countries — Poland, Norway, Sweden, Serbia, Denmark, France — and to see them in their own homes, sipping coffee, puffing on cigarettes, even slurping noisily from a bowl of soup (as a nice woman from Wales did). Eight months ago the idea would have seemed outlandish. As usual, I was playing from London. Sitting opposite me — in Ljubljana — was my partner, Barbara Drinovek, whom I met last year through Marusa Gold; we teamed up with Marusa (also in Ljubljana) and Diana Nettleton (Oxford).

Bridge | 14 November 2020

It’s been a busy week of bridge. First came the Lady Milne, the women’s home internationals. As the host nation, England had two teams; my partner Qian Li and I qualified for the second. I’ve played in the Lady Milne quite a few times before, and it felt strange and slightly unreal to be doing so online this year — especially as my partner was in China. Still, it was fun, and we finished third, a hair’s breadth behind Wales (but some way behind England’s first team). Next came the OCBL international mixed teams: I was lucky enough to be on Jonathan Harris’s team. Jonathan is one of the most delightful people I’ve met through bridge, and his team is hard to beat for warmth, camaraderie and sheer fun. I partnered Steve Root, and I hope not for the last time: his witty comments and quips at the table (in the ‘chat box’) made me laugh so much I nearly lost the plot once or twice.

Bridge | 31 October 2020

I know its only October, but I’ve already found the perfect Christmas present for bridge-lovers: Simon Cochemé’s new book, Bridge With a Twist. It’s full of quirky observations, funny anecdotes, snippets of history and flights of fancy. There are jokes, some old (‘My bridge partner ran off with my wife, and let me tell you, I really miss him’), some new (‘My wife uses the double card so much she’s known as my x-wife’). There are tales from tournament directors about the crazy things they’ve been summoned for — like the player who complained he’d misdefended because declarer had sounded so confident when thanking dummy that he’d been led to believe the contract was making. Cochemé is particularly interested in the language of bridge, and the way idioms vary from country to country.

Bridge | 17 October 2020

‘I have a wonderful hand to show you,’ Gunnar Hallberg exclaimed when I saw him last week. Gunnar is a world-class professional, now in his early seventies, whose passion for bridge remains undimmed. Since lockdown, there’s scarcely a high-level online tournament he hasn’t competed in, so naturally I assumed the hand came from one of those. But no: it turned out to be from the site FunBridge, where he spends his free time playing for sheer pleasure with three robots! He’s clearly fascinated by them. ‘The thing is, their bidding is really bad — they rely too much on points and not shape — but their play and defence is so pure. I’ve been studying the way they think…’ He spoke with such boyish enthusiasm that I had visions of bridge-playing aliens invading our galaxy, and Gunnar, with his understanding of their dark powers, brandishing his Lightsaber… Here is the hand.

Bridge | 3 October 2020

The Alt Invitational is a prestigious online teams tournament held every fortnight or so, packed with world-class players. It’s not easy to secure a place, but my friend Jonathan Harris managed it for the first time last week. Things didn’t start well for his 11-strong team, and by Thursday morning, after four days of play, it seemed impossible they would qualify for the quarterfinals. As it happens, I spent Thursday afternoon playing rubber bridge with two of the team, Steve Root and Niall Igoe (with a client of ours who doesn’t like playing online). As Steve and I travelled home in the same direction, he got an urgent text: they were through! He needed to be ready to play in 20 minutes. The rest unfolded like a dream.

Bridge | 19 September 2020

My friend Ollie Burgess has just made the bold move of quitting his job in Manchester, and moving to London to manage the Young Chelsea Bridge Club. Ollie is a fantastic player, as well as being popular and dynamic — exactly what’s needed. The YC is much loved by its members, but its numbers have been dwindling in recent years. It would be a huge shame if it ever closed, not just because it attracts such a high standard of player, but also because it has a long and rich history. It first opened its doors in 1968, and for decades enjoyed a reputation as the best and most exciting club in the country. The stars of the game would flock there, and stay long into the night. I still remember the time Bill Gates, visiting London, rang and asked whether the club might find him a partner (he ended up playing with its chairman, Ian Payn).

Bridge | 5 September 2020

A major pandemic has been sweeping through the bridge world since the game went online — and it’s called cheating. Who would have thought so many people would succumb to temptation, and what does it say about human nature? ‘Self-kibbitzing’ — that weirdly euphemistic term which means logging on under a different name to see all four hands at your table — has been rife, from club players to world champions (such as the two Janet named in her recent column). Even worse, some pairs have been cheating collusively — yes, actually texting or phoning each other to convey information. Things are so bad that almost half my bridge friends seem to be employed as cheat-catchers by various bridge bodies. It’s pretty obvious who’s at it: players who regularly make anti-percentage plays or strange bids which work miraculously well, or whose scores have rocketed to implausible heights since lockdown.

Bridge | 22 August 2020

There are some experts — like my friend Sally Brock — who think Blackwood is an overrated convention, and that slams can be bid just as well without wheeling out 4NT to ask for aces. That’s often true. At the Portland Club, Blackwood isn’t even allowed, and players don’t seem to have much trouble bidding slams. However, I’m firmly in the camp that believes Blackwood is indispensable in some auctions; there’s no other way of finding out whether partner holds the precise cards you need. It does have to be used with care though. One of the dangers of Blackwood is that it can take you too high: you check for aces, find you’re missing two and — whoops — are forced to bid trumps at the six level. There is an emergency break for this situation, and here’s how it works (see diagram).

Bridge | 8 August 2020

Stuart Wheeler was a true original. I was lucky enough to be a friend (we met playing bridge), and will miss him greatly. He was often referred to as a spread-betting ‘tycoon’ but the word feels quite wrong: he was modest and unassuming, and his fierce intelligence was matched by a childlike guilelessness. While his political views could be contentious, there was no doubting his integrity: unswayed by fashion, he relied on logic and probability to guide him. Indeed, his whole life was about calculating odds and taking risks — hence his passion for gambling. He was also extraordinarily generous. After selling his shares in his company, IG Index, he bought Chilham Castle in Kent, where he entertained large groups of friends every weekend for decades.

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