Angel
‘…and we believe that each of us has an angel that looks after us.’
The Spectator
Thursday
Son
‘My son? Oh, I’m afraid he’s no longer with us.’
Ed 2
‘You can have one of my kitchens!’
Care Home
‘It’ll never last.’
Mccoy 2
‘I say, didn’t you used to be A.P. McCoy?’
Graveyard
‘It’s how my beautiful assistant would have wanted it.’
Thor
‘I preferred him when he just had a hammer.’
Facebook 3
‘The gods are unfriending us on Facebook tonight.’
Dog 7
Spoilt
‘No, it’s neck and neck. These are the spoilt ballots.’
Sorry
‘Couldn’t you just have said, “Sorry, mate, was that your pint? Here, let me get you another one.”?’
Selfie 7
‘Your trouble is you’re too selfie-centred.’
Sub
‘You’re right, I do feel subeditors are outdated. How did you know?’
Election 3
Monkey
‘I’ll write an Iraq report before Sir John Chilcot.’
Letters | 30 April 2015
An instinctive Tory faith Sir: For once Bruce Anderson does not exaggerate: David Cameron did indeed win golden opinions for his ‘high intellect and low cunning’ at the 1992 election (‘The boy David’, 25 April), putting him among the most brilliant products of the Conservative Research Department over its long history. He contributed magnificently to
Portrait of the week | 30 April 2015
Home The British economy grew by 0.3 per cent in the first quarter of 2015, the slowest quarterly growth for two years. The Institute for Fiscal Studies pointed out many absurdities in party election promises, noting that most people would see tax and benefit changes that reduced their income; it said that the Conservative and
Barometer | 30 April 2015
One-way stretch A study at Louisville University in Kentucky concluded that collisions are twice as likely in one-way streets as in similar streets with two-way traffic. — The one-way street is an older concept than many might imagine. Pudding Lane, where the Great Fire of London began in 1666, was one of the world’s first
The right choice
When election day dawns, it’s worth bearing in mind that two million more people will be going to work than when David Cameron came to power. On an average day in Britain, there are 1,500 fewer reported crimes than there were before Theresa May was made Home Secretary. Some 2.2 million pupils now attend independent schools
Books & arts – 30 April 2015
