Fake
‘It’s a fake.’
The Spectator
Thursday
Bus
Cream
‘I’ll have the cream tea – easy on the tea.’
Wok
Green 3
‘We can’t vote for her — she wasn’t locally sourced.’
Dagenham
‘They’re moving the production to the Far East.’
Neptune
Ipad 2
‘They have so much in common.’
Butterfly 3
Scam
‘We’ve come up with the perfect scam to get the voters to trust us.’
Said
‘Is it something I said, tweeted, retweeted, posted on Facebook, blogged, skyped, texted, snapchatted, emailed or facetimed?’
Murray
‘Wow! That service was quick.’
Leaflet
‘Post is late again.’
Hatton Garden
Advisors
Writer 2
This is Jason, my ghostwriter. Jason, dear, she wants my autograph.’
Letters | 16 April 2015
The real road menace Sir: I write in anger after reading Mark Mason’s malicious attack on mobility scooters (‘Hell on wheels’, 11 April). The motorcar has, since its invention, killed many hundreds of thousands of innocent pedestrians. Meanwhile, whole tracts of our beautiful and productive countryside have been flattened or destroyed to accommodate its traffic.
Barometer | 16 April 2015
Out of tune The use of a song, ‘Love Natural’ by the Crystal Fighters, at the launch of the Labour manifesto backfired when the band’s drummer urged people to vote Green instead. Some other campaign songs whose writers disowned the campaign: — Ronald Reagan used ‘Born in the USA’ by Bruce Springsteen for his re-election
Portrait of the week | 16 April 2015
Home Launching the Conservative party manifesto, David Cameron, the party leader, told voters he wanted to ‘turn the good news in our economy into a good life for you and your family’. The Tories promised: to eliminate the deficit by the end of the parliament; to provide 30 hours of free child care a week
A deadly silence
One Friday, 28 people were rescued by the Italian coastguard when the boat on which they were fleeing Libya capsized in the Mediterranean. Arriving homeless and without prospects in a strange land, these were — relatively speaking — the lucky ones. As many as 700 are thought to have drowned. Add them to the tally. On Monday, another boat
