Ukip is celebrating after winning council seats from all three main parties across the country. Nigel Farage’s party has already exceeded its target of 80 gains in the local elections. On a night of upsets, Labour took control of Tory flagship council Hammersmith and Fulham and the Conservatives took Kingston-upon-Thames. But Labour also failed to make
‘Have you crawled far?’
‘Breakfast in bed… freshly brewed coffee… and the morning-after pill. You really are the perfect boyfriend.’
‘Ah, that new baby smell — I’ve got some Chanel No. 5 here that can sort that out.’
‘My imaginary friend disagrees.’
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‘Makes you realise just how small and insignificant you are, doesn’t it?’
‘It’s fusion food — they mix cheap ingredients with sky-high prices.’
‘OK, but for identification purposes a trench coat and rolled-up copy of the Times would have been preferable.’
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‘As the plane took off, the transplant surgeon opened the ice box and realised that he’d left his heart in San Francisco.’
‘Miro, Miro on the wall, who is the wealthiest one of all?’
‘We want to settle down and have a housing crisis together.’
‘These are distressed and these are just slightly upset.’
‘Anyone sitting here?’