Bedroom
‘Things are so bad in the bedroom department that she’s started sleeping in a shark cage.’
The Spectator
Wednesday
Marriage 3
‘...in the top drawer on your side of the bed, you dumb schmuck!’
World
Sleepwalk
‘Don’t wake him up — sleepwalking is the only exercise he gets.’
Kebab
‘I’d invite you in, but as we’ve already had sex behind the kebab van I don’t see there’s much point.’
Lanzarote
‘This is what I was dreading — not having to fly home.’
Nanotechnology
Right
‘He moved to the right before he got old.’
Vacancy
‘Apart from your generation’s over-inflated sense of self-worth, what else makes you the best candidate for this vacancy?’
Listen 2
‘I wish you’d get a job at GCHQ — then you might actually start to listen to me.’
Spectator letters: On wind turbines, Churchill’s only exam success, and the red-trousered mayor of Bristol
When the wind blows Sir: Clare Oxford’s piece (‘Gone with the wind turbines’, 12 April) is both timely and sad. Those who applaud the use of these infernal machines are prone to eulogise their efficiency by saying (in the same annoying, dumbed-down way in which commentators always compare the size of something with the number
Portrait of the week | 16 April 2014
Home Nigel Evans, who had resigned as deputy speaker before being cleared of a bundle of rape and sexual assault charges against men, questioned the right of the Crown Prosecution Service to pursue cases that were ‘decades’ old and said that people should not have to spend their life savings defending themselves. Sajid Javid was
Vladimir Putin knows what he stands for. Do we?
Possibly because his oratory is no match for his much-displayed pectoral muscles, the speeches of Vladimir Putin are seldom reported at length in the West. But as a means of understanding the manoeuvres in eastern Ukraine this week, there is no better starting point than the speech he made to the Duma when the Russian
Runaway runners and other other sporting refugees
Done a runner Mami Konneh Lahun, a 24-year-old athlete from Sierra Leone, went missing after finishing as the 20th-placed woman in the London Marathon. She is not the first athlete to have done a runner. — In the 2002 Commonwealth Games, 20 of her compatriots failed to return home. — After the London Olympics, 21
Thursday
Husband
‘As we all know, Jeffrey was an alcoholic… erm… sorry… workaholic’
Fly
‘Apart from making a buzzing noise and an inability to find an open window, what else do you do?’
Door
‘My door is always open, Tracy. Could you get someone to fix that?’
Dummies 3
‘So, where are we off to today?’
Ecigs
‘Enough of the jewels, potatoes and tobacco, Sir Walter. Tell me more about e-cigarettes.’