Drinks
‘If you can’t be drunk, rude and obnoxious at Christmas, then when can you?’
The Spectator
Thursday
Michelangelo 2
‘Michaelangelo, when I asked you to carve…’
Island 6
Prancing
Website
‘You’ll find my wish list on my website — I have prioritised the presents — can you acknowledge to timmy@...’
Fuel 2
‘If his winter fuel charges have gone up, I’m changing our energy supplier.’
Faithful
‘We shall now sing O Come All Ye Faithful, stressing the word “all” in a sarcastic manner.’
Cold
‘Oh, you poor things! Quick, come into the cold…’
Trumpet
Pump
‘A stomach pump! Just what I wanted!’
Misery
‘What do you want to watch? Fatal Attraction or Misery?’
Haggis
Bubblewrap
‘Plenty of bubble-wrap, elves. People love to pop it…’
Ukip 4
‘Brussels?’