Faithful
‘We shall now sing O Come All Ye Faithful, stressing the word “all” in a sarcastic manner.’
The Spectator
Thursday
Cold
‘Oh, you poor things! Quick, come into the cold…’
Trumpet
Pump
‘A stomach pump! Just what I wanted!’
Misery
‘What do you want to watch? Fatal Attraction or Misery?’
Haggis
Bubblewrap
‘Plenty of bubble-wrap, elves. People love to pop it…’
Ukip 4
‘Brussels?’
Satnav 4
Argument
‘As you have no close family who’ll be visiting this Christmas, we’ve come to offer you a huge, acrimonious argument if you’d like one.’
Body
‘You have the body of a teenager — your liver’s shot, and you have a couple of sexually transmitted infections.’
Shepherds
‘It’s a repeat of what we watched last Christmas.’
Cash 2
Tree 2
‘Show it an increased fuel bill and it drops all the green stuff.’
Twurkey
‘Oh no! It’s a twurkey.’
Letters: Jeff Jarvis defends internet companies, Royal Society fellows defend Lord Lawson
A net gain Sir: Jamie Bartlett tries to balance plus and minus, and ends with zero (‘Little Brothers are watching you’, 7 December). But I wonder: why lead with the negative? Yes, data can be misused, marketers and government can misbehave (no — they will). But what are we to do? Block progress? Why don’t
Barometer | 12 December 2013
Whose year is it anyway? Some things which 2014 has been declared to be the year of: — Year of the Horse (China) — International Year of Family Farming (World Rural Forum) — Year of the Brain (European Brain Council) — Year of the Salamander (Partners in Amphibian and Reptile Conservation) — Year of Crystallography
What happened in 2013, from Depardieu’s hug to Sachin’s last bow
January David Cameron, the Prime Minister, said he wanted to ‘negotiate a new settlement with our European partners’, and that before the end of 2017 would ‘give the British people a referendum with a very simple in or out choice’. Gérard Depardieu hugged President Vladimir Putin at the Black Sea resort of Sochi as he
Joy to the world | 12 December 2013
Pessimism sells. It shifts books and newspapers, sends ratings soaring. It fills lecture halls, wins research grants, makes political careers. We are fed this constant diet of doom, predicting anything from meteorological Armageddon to a tyranny of austerity, and so it is little wonder that we tend to miss the bigger story. A cold, dispassionate look
