The Spectator
Thursday
Prancing
Website
‘You’ll find my wish list on my website — I have prioritised the presents — can you acknowledge to timmy@...’
Fuel 2
‘If his winter fuel charges have gone up, I’m changing our energy supplier.’
Faithful
‘We shall now sing O Come All Ye Faithful, stressing the word “all” in a sarcastic manner.’
Cold
‘Oh, you poor things! Quick, come into the cold…’
Trumpet
Pump
‘A stomach pump! Just what I wanted!’
Misery
‘What do you want to watch? Fatal Attraction or Misery?’
Haggis
Bubblewrap
‘Plenty of bubble-wrap, elves. People love to pop it…’
Ukip 4
‘Brussels?’
Satnav 4
Argument
‘As you have no close family who’ll be visiting this Christmas, we’ve come to offer you a huge, acrimonious argument if you’d like one.’
Wise
Body
‘You have the body of a teenager — your liver’s shot, and you have a couple of sexually transmitted infections.’
Shepherds
‘It’s a repeat of what we watched last Christmas.’
Cash 2
Tree 2
‘Show it an increased fuel bill and it drops all the green stuff.’
Twurkey
‘Oh no! It’s a twurkey.’
