Trolls
Snow White and the seven trolls
The Spectator
Thursday
Solicitors
‘…and to my wife I leave my entire jazz collection.’
Vampires 2
‘Arrrgghh! Good light stops play!’
Calendar 2
‘Monday’s no good, I’ve got Sex Addicts Anonymous, Tuesday it’s my AA meeting, Thursday’s Gamblers Anonymous and Friday’s Narcotics Anonymous. You know, sometimes I think I might have an addictive personality.’
Scratch
‘Miss Harkness, remind me, at our last board meeting who scratched my back?’
Gamekeeper
‘But we only have three rabbits. Do we really need a gamekeeper?’
Ending
‘I had a problem with the ending. It doesn’t come quickly enough.’
Cuts 2
Dummies 2
Sentences
‘It’s OK for you but I’ve got nine life sentences to serve.’
Remote 2
‘Which is the correct remote for watching Downton Abbey?’
Outlook
‘The economic outlook just gets better and better.’
Slaves
‘Sorry, we’re not taking on any slaves at the moment.’
Letters | 12 September 2013
Tories and Italians Sir: Roger Scruton must be laughing, or more likely crying, to hear his Meaning of Conservatism described as the ‘Bible of the Tories’ (‘Italians for Maggie’, 7 September). Nothing could be further from the truth. According to Farrell, ‘Italians believe that only the state can bring freedom.’ But that’s closer to Scruton’s position
How to save the BBC? Privatise it
Three years ago, our columnist and former editor Charles Moore was summoned to Hastings Magistrates’ Court to pay £807 for refusing to pay his television licence. He was protesting against the BBC’s ‘gross violation of its charter’ by broadcasting obscene phone calls made by Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand to the former Fawlty Towers actor
Portrait of the week | 12 September 2013
Home George Osborne, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, said that the British economy was ‘turning a corner’, with ‘tentative signs of a balanced, broad based and sustainable recovery’. Unemployment fell to 7.7 per cent for the quarter May to July from 7.8 in the previous quarter. Jaguar Land Rover is to create 1,700 jobs at
Barometer | 12 September 2013
Trust us The National Trust opened the Big Brother House at Elstree Studios at the weekend. Some other less grand National Trust properties: — 575 Wandsworth Road, Lambeth. 19th-century terraced house that was home to Kenyan-born civil servant Khadambi Asalache who, to keep out the damp, decorated the walls with elaborate panels made from pine
Books and Arts – 12 September 2013
Wednesday
Full text: Nigel Evans’ statement to the House
Following his resignation as Deputy Speaker after being charged with offences including sexual assault and rape, Nigel Evans made a statement in the House of Commons: listen to ‘Nigel Evans’ statement’ on Audioboo
