No, Britain’s Eurovision flop can’t be blamed on Brexit

I see that the UK’s Lucie Jones has blamed her Eurovision Song Contest failure upon Brexit. Lucie actually came fifteenth, which was substantially higher than either she or the song deserved. Her song, ‘Never Gonna Give Up On You’, or some such egregious, banal, tripe, was a hugely boring ballad without even the redemption of an interesting chorus. That’s why it came fifteenth – that and the fact that we chose a failure from that anti-musical jamboree, X Factor, to sing it.

Lucie is just the latest in a long line of people to blame Brexit for being utterly useless. I might use the Brexit get-out next time I can’t get an erection. ‘Sorry love, I just feel bad about us leaving the European Union. I only really get properly tumescent when I hear Jean-Claude Juncker speaking. That’s just how it is. Now, pass that pasty over here will you. I’m famished.’

The winner was a bloke from Portugal who I actually liked a lot until I found out he was a refugee-hugging imbecile. Still it was a goodish song, the best in the competition since the Common Linnets’ ‘Calm After The Storm’ a few years back. Next year, as a consequence, everybody will try to be authentic, just like the Portuguese bloke, which should give us all a laugh.